Reply to 1 kid vs. 2 kids - how did you decide?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP if you're still reading - we were very very similar to you. We assumed we'd have two kids because we both have siblings and that's what people do - have two kids. But after #1, we never got that urge again. We were absolutely sure we wanted #1, and we were waiting to feel that way for #2. And waiting and waiting. I agree with writing down pros and cons, but the fact that you ARE using a list to make your decision demonstrates that you are not really committed to that second child. If you truly wanted #2, you wouldn't need a list to convince yourself. Really, the list makes you feel better about your choice to stop at #1 (and you shouldn't feel like you need to justify it but here we are).

We too felt societal pressure to have a second child. I hear plenty people say "but #1 will have a playmate!". But that's not a good reason to have a baby. There are no guarantees.

I also hear a lot of people say "they can share the responsibility of caring for you when you're old." I think that's also not a good reason to have a baby. "Hi #2, we had you so that #1 could share the burden of wiping our old butts." There's a generational change going on right now, and I hope that my child will not have the burden of caring for us when we're old. We will make our own plans and not rely on moving in with our child when we're old.

And FWIW, I rarely see siblings who evenly and happily split elder care. Usually it's all dumped on one person and there's a metric ton of resentment spread all around. My dad's cousin is an only and was the sole decision maker for the care of her father, and it went swimmingly. Her husband was super supportive in all ways. No drama, no fuss.[/quote]

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