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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP again. I want to clear up the notion that I only spend 30 mins per day with my kids which is not at all true. They are up by 7am latest and we spend an hour an a half together until I drop the older one at school at 8:30 and our nanny arrives. I stop working at 5:30pm so I think have another 2 hours with my youngest who goes to bed at 7:30pm, and my oldest who goes to bed at 8 gets 2.5 hours. [b]Where I struggle is that I then need to handle everything else too - cooking, clean up, laundry, schedules, projects, etc.[/b] And I choose to stop working at 5:30 and then go back online later most nights so I can spend the time with my kids.

I am genuinely curious - are there moms who work full time and get to spend more time with their kids than this? Even if you work 9-5 with commuting it’s probably about the same I would imagine.

We also don’t work for what would be considered biglaw firms (although my firm is bigger than DH’s). DH is already a partner and makes around $500K per year all in. He has even more earning potential with his recent promotion but isn’t there yet. I make around $250K and made it clear I don’t want to be on partner track because those attorneys work much more than I do.

We also don’t live an overly extravagant lifestyle at all. DH went to private school and is not open to public regardless of how good it is. That’s the only think that would make a reasonable different in our expenditures. So when you add that up, plus FT nanny, summer camp and classes, our families both lives across the country so 2X per year flights, one vacation per year, etc... it really doesn’t go as far as it should. We also save quite a bit as we want to make sure college and possible grad school are covered for our kids.
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OP, I'm also a lawyer and I understand your situation more than some on here. My kids are also in private school (I was as well and really wanted it for my kids), we built our dream house, drive the cars we want, save for college, etc.

With a 2-year old it's hard because your nanny is mostly going to spend their time with them, but I would suggest increasing their hours by another 30-60 minutes each day, if they're agreeable to that. I know that's all OT, which is time and a half (we still have a full-time nanny even though our kids are now in elementary school), so it doesn't come cheap, BUT some extra time after you've gotten home could allow the nanny to do the stuff she wasn't able to do during the day while she was with the 2-year old. With only that one at home, she should be able to handle the kids laundry, including beds, yes? One load per day would help with that. For your laundry, I would suggest looking into services to see if some of it you can outsource. Or, get a maid-cleaning service that will do your laundry, or at least your sheets and towels, leaving you with only your clothes.

For cooking, I think you might need to adjust your expectations a bit. Kids love simple things, and while you still have a little one who isn't in school, these may be the years where you agree to some quicker, easier stuff instead of things that take more time. You could also ask the nanny to help with food prep during the day or in the evenings. We used to have our nanny prepare a marinade and put the chicken in it, for example, or cut up the vegetables for stir fry, start the rice cooker, make the marinara sauce. Again, we did all of this with her agreement but she was willing to do it, and those little things really helped.

Schedules I would work on one weekend day when you and your husband agree that you will be off work. Get a sitter and go to Starbucks for two hours and plan out the next few months. It's much harder and more overwhelming to do it all the time because then it feels like it won't ever get done, but it's one of those things that if you just put the time into it you'll realize you can knock it out in one sitting.

Projects are just always going to come up, so that's when you need to have flexibility. That can come in the form of ordering pizza for dinner or leaving that last hour of work for another day or something else.

You sound a lot like me, Type A, wants everything to be done well, likes a really clean house, etc. That's how us lawyers often are, and it can be hard. I would suggest that you prioritize your sleep and make sure you're getting enough of it and also just plan times for you to think about/accomplish certain tasks. That helps them from feeling like they're always hanging over your head. Good luck. [/quote]

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