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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hey OP if you are still here, I am in a LTR with my former AP. We now live together, with my kids. His kid is in college. My ex-H and I were separated but not divorced when ex-h caught us together, almost 7 years ago. My AP/LTR bf at first wanted to go to the kids sports and events as a “bonus dad”, and I allowed it. But I felt nauseous and hated it- so much shame. Ex-h started bringing his GF, who became his fiancé, who is now his wife (she does not have kids- thankfully), to events and whatnot. It’s all kinds of terribly uncomfortable, for me at least. At first we all said “let’s do stuff together!” Like the four of us plus our kids but rarely if ever do we do so because no one wants to. If I contact ex-H about kids he responds right away but if I attempt to talk about anything from our shared past, he never answers. Friendship is dead. Sadly.

Of course I live with regret and sadness and reading these comments feels like how I feel about myself- a truly selfish shitbag who had no concept of the consequences of my stupid actions.[b] Was stupid beyond stupid to give up my marriage during a time of loneliness. [/b]My advice based on my own small miserable experience, is to keep AP out of ex-H’s face at all times. Graduations and summer sports etc are coming up and my former AP/LTR will be there, along with ex-H and his wife. Not good. I would say date or whatever in your free time but don’t allow the person you wounded to be further humiliated (if he has any pride at all, no matter how “happy” both of you are now…) if what happened. Your case is a level up because your ex-H and AP were friends. So he was double betrayed. Ugh that’s a tough one. Just keep them apart. I’d really recommend breaking up with your AP/LTR actually, because your ex-H will be in your life forever due to kids. Take that hit for him, after all he’s put up with. I should do that too, but now my kids are involved. It’s just cleaner for all to not have the AP as your LTR, even if ex-H seems like it’s all good as is.

Good luck. [/quote]

You sound like you have a ton of regret for ending your marriage/family.[/quote]

I do. It will be the defining event of my life. I was on track for happy family life (most meaningful experience of my life, vs work or whatever else people are fulfilled by…) with all of the trimmings. Now it’s an apartment and part time custody and being the “bad person” for life. Well deserved in my case, for not having an iota of insight. Lust and magical thinking during an affair allowed me to create delusions of “it will be ok and this is fine.” Not true.

From the trenches of post affair life: DO NOT DO IT. [/quote]

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