Reply to In LTR with affair partner; exh struggles

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hopefully your children realize that you are an awful human being[/quote]

Why would you ever hope that?  That is awful.  I am divorced and my partner's ex wife is convinced we had an affair.  We 100% did not - emotional or physical.  The ex has told her then tween daughter that her father doesn't love her because he left the marriage and her mother, the ex has said I am a homewrecker, etc.  My partner is a very good father and still has a good relationship with his now teen daughter, but it has been hard.  My partner's daughter has many scars from "knowing" about an affair that didn't happen and having to wonder who is lying to her.  Studies show kids do best when they have two loving parents.  Why in the world would you want to alienate one?  He can be a good father and not a good spouse.

That said, my ex did cheat on me.  He is not with that person anymore, but he is with the person he started dating a week after we separated.  My ex and I both have reasons to be hurt and angry by the other, but we have worked hard to what is best for our children, and that is to get along and not bad mouth the other.  Again, studies show (I did a lot of research when we separated, shared that research with my ex, and spoke to a child psychologist with my ex so that we could put the children first in the divorce and going forward) that conflict is very damaging for divorced kids.  Passive aggressive conflict, such as refusing to speak to the other parent or their partner is noticed by kids and is conflict.  You may think you are just respecting yourself, but you are instead showing your kids anger and bitterness.  Wouldn't it be better to show forgiveness and maturity?

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Depends. Sometimes you haven’t to step away from chumps and refuse them access to your mental space.[/quote]

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