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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP here. Good marriages are made when both partners exhibit forgiveness, humility, respect, love.[b] I just don't know why you keep putting this all on the OP. And I don't know why you insist on him just "forgiving" his wife and not going to counseling or even giving them room to talk.[/b]

You are like that woman (who I kind of love tbh) who insists that childbirth is orgasmic and she knows because she has 9 kids. Some people have 9 kids and enjoy every second. Some people don't enjoy it. Some people need epidurals. Some c-sections. Clearly the rebirth of your marriage was a postcard moment of orgasmic proportions but I think you have lost perspective if you think your advice is applicable to everyone. I also think that it's dangerous when there are a lot of suppressed feelings to [b]recommend not talking.[/b] But that's just me.

I'm sure your marriage is Perfect. [/quote]

What "forgiveness" PP said:

"So he needs to divert his focus away from her acknowledged shortcomings and seriously contemplate what HE needs forgiveness for, and [b]once he has reconnected with her, as a fellow weak human being who has his own faults, they can reestablish trust, mutual respect, honesty, open communication, and so on. Maybe that will require an outside counselor, or maybe they can handle it themselves.[/b] I don't know."

"Once you have that mutual forgiveness, that mutual respect, and are on the same footing, then you can revisit why things happened this way...Don't leave any stone unturned. You need to know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

How is that saying it is all on OP, or that they should not communicate, or not go to counseling?  How can they forgive each other without talking?  How can they find the truth about what went wrong without talking?  How did you take that message away?

No one here knows how OP's sex life and lack thereof played out over the years.  Was OP a generous lover?  Was sex all about his needs, all the time?  Who was being selfish towards whom on any given occasion?  We have never heard from his wife.  HE has never heard from his wife, apparently.  He needs to hear from her.

That's what the PP said.  You don't disagree.[/quote]

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