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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here with an update. We started looking for a part-time sitter. Also, I talked to my mom. Told her she can't come to the doctor, but took the nonconfrontational route of using doctor's COVID policies as an excuse (which it turns out is actually true).

She told me all her concerns. There's no big family secret about our genes...basically they're convinced there's something wrong with my kid's liver because of the dark circles and dry skin and also because, I quote, "we've been keeping an eye on her poops and they are too large". Both me and my DH have a history of eczema and rashes as kids and my sister had liver issues as a kid...so that's the genetic piece. It didn't really make sense to me, but they are asking me to insist on all this testing at the doctors.

I feel like the immediate issue has been solved, but not really the underlying problems....

When we get a sitter, I'm betting they'll complain about insufficient time with grandkids - we dealt with this a lot when we did have a full-time nanny. They wanted us to find time to visit every single week ("We love the kids, they love us, isn't it cruel of you to keep us away from each other just because weekly visits are inconvenient for you? We are grandparents, we have the right to see our grandkids every week." OR just the passive aggressive, every time we talk and I'm like "How are you?" they're like, "Lonely, missing our grandkids, it's been a whole 2 weeks."

If the doctor does not do the testing that they are hoping for (which I'm not going to push for if it's unnecessary), it'll be, "You know that medical error is one of the leading causes of death in the US? You know how broken the medical system in this country is? Why not insist on the tests just to be sure she's ok? Why are you getting annoyed at us? We're her grandparents, right? We just want her to be healthy. We know you're a great mom, but no one's perfect. What if you're missing something? What if the doctor is missing something? What's so wrong with us working as a team to make sure Larla is healthy? Isn't that the outcome we all want?"

So I'm still kind of lost about the bigger picture of how to deal with this short of totally cutting the relationship, which I don't want to do because 60%-70% of the time things are not this insane. [/quote]

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

Literally stop engaging on these issues. If they ask about the doctor you tell them the pediatrician doesn't think there is anything to worry about. If they continue to press it, you're going to have to cut it off. You can say, "I don't want to discuss this further" and change the subject. Don't let them guilt trip you.

On the sitter and seeing the grandkids, some of it, just don't respond. My mother is a broken record on my kids' electronics use. She's probably right on some level, but she's also 79 years old and I had to explain that my kids Facetime and Zoom their friends during COVID because they aren't seeing them in-person. So now I just kind of say Mm Hm and move on. Be direct - if you don't have the time to visit every week, be blunt about it. If they can come and pick up the kids and that works for you, then let them do that.

You and your husband are full-grown real adults. I give you permission to act like it with your parents.[/quote]

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