Reply to Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?

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Reply to "Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I get the OP is from an oppressive culture/religious background.  If you are going to date someone outside our own oppressive family's culture- do yourself a favor and at least don't pick someone with an equally oppressive culture they are bound to.  JFC, do please never learn? [/quote]

The problem is people from similar oppressive culture/religious backgrounds seems to understand me better. I think even if the culture itself is different, the mentality is the same. The typical American has no understanding of these things. I do not care anymore. I am in my 40s...I am over the family crap...he said he was the same....but apparently not. I actually now think he just never dealt with it and thought it would go away and he could “age out” of the family pressure by avoiding it. I think he thought at this age, it would not be as big of a deal, but he is wrong. [/quote]

Seek therapy.  You have tons of hang ups from your family/culture[/quote]

I do not have hang ups. I don’t care. I am beyond it. What you do not understand is that the way you think being raised this way is just different and that way of thinking does not disappear. There is no “therapy” to deal with...you just deal with it how you can. And I chose at 18 to stop making it a priority. I do not have an active involvement in my family’s culture. I left it behind after high school...but it does not change they way I think. I was very specifically over cautious of this situation at the start and needed a lot of reassurance because not everyone has the strength to do what they want. I did succumb to family pressure to marry in early 30s but before then I did not. I got divorced which is completely taboo and I do not care. There are no “hang ups.” It is part of the way I think about certain things being raised that way and there is no way to erase that. There is no reason for “therapy.”[/quote]

Yes, you do have hang ups.  You say you stopped caring about your family's culture as a teen, but then you felt pressurized and got married?  What culture are you from?  You sound like a very confused person.  I feel sad for your kids because you are flaky. [/quote]

I did not marry within my cultural background. I felt pressure to marry due to "age," which almost every conservative family puts on a daughter by their early 30s.  I am not "flaky." People marry the wrong person all of the time. It was a mistake. That is it.[/quote]

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