Reply to Husband sent private emails to a friend about our relationship

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[quote=Anonymous]I completely understand the sense of violation over the e-mails.  While my husband isn't gay, I've experienced a similar circumstance.

My husband was the one pushing for email communication because he didn't like talking. Correspondence that was personal (and I thought private) was shared at his discretion.  I found out that he'd pick and choose emails (or parts of emails) to show to work friends who if I'd met them at all, didn't know me.   He'd tell them his side of the story and how unreasonable he thought I was being and then when they agreed with his viewpoint he'd use it as proof that he was right.  He wasn't looking for communication, but for vindication.

We went to counseling.  I was willing to show the counselor the emails, and frequently did so that we could discuss them together in counseling with an objective party.  But as it became apparent that the emails were hampering communication, I finally stopped using them for relationship communication, limiting them to factual exchanges (schedules, finances, etc.)  Relationship topics needed the instant feedback of verbal communication.  He resented that I was no longer willing to communicate with him in his preferred format.

We're getting divorced.

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