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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If I found out DH ever cheated it would over.  I’d never trust him again.  Why stay?  I’m not a doormat.[/quote]

OP, you will get lots of advice like this on this board and from friends and family members if you choose to share. No one can possibly imagine what they would do if confronted with your situation. And everyone’s situation is different from yours. Therapy and introspection will be your best friends in this. And there is no hurry to make a decision. I’m so sorry for your pain. I’ve been there.[/quote]

People who judge like this but who have not been in this situation (knowingly) is party of the reason why I am in so much pain. I am bearing his cheating and lies alone. My entire life blew up in one evening and I’ve been going it alone keeping up appearances at work and at home for my children. My parents, siblings, his family, my closest friends - none of them know or can help or offer me support bc I don’t feel as though I can talk to anyone. I am the PP whose Dh had 4 year affair. I’m dealing with it day by day. Sometimes I want to scream out in pain. Thank god all of us are wearing masks bc there are times at the store and suddenly I am close to breaking down. To the poster above - I could be your friend, your sister, your daughter. Don’t judge. Listen and be empathetic to those around you. You never know what is going on with those close to you. [/quote]

I’m not sure if this is PP or OP, but I wish I could take you out for coffee. You are not alone, though I know it feels that way. I am a PP who stayed. I remember feeling the way you do. DH’s was an eight-year affair - it all blew up one day when our child was four and I opened an email from a stranger who gave me irrefutable evidence of the double life my husband was leading. All the lies came pouring in and I felt like I’d been shot. My reality as I knew it - our family and the 23-year life we had built together - a lie. I never saw the signs. No one did. He was that good at compartmentalizing. But I refused to keep his secrets or go through that pain alone. So when he asked me what he could do to make things right, I said I wouldn’t speak to him or try to save our marriage until he had told the truth to his family and our close friends. In front of me. No more lies or secrets. These people were important to me and I needed them in my corner if I decided to stay or go. I couldn’t bear to withdraw and distance myself. Many people will advise you to keep this to yourself, and our transparency did create awkwardness when we decided to reconcile. Early on, our close friends and family members asked me what they could do to help. I answered they could support us no matter what decision we made. Some could and some couldn’t. We lost friends, DH more than me. I did face a lot of judgement from a few people I thought were friends. I understand my decision to work on the marriage was hard for some people to accept - they were thirsty for blood, threatened for their own marriages, and frustrated at my choice. But they aren’t living my life. I wish you peace and healing. Do what you must for you. You don’t need to blow up your social circle like I did, but I advise you to reach out for support. Much love to you as you work through this. I know how hard this is. Nine years out, I know there’s another side to this, and it’s better than you can possibly imagine right now.[/quote]

I’m the PP - thanks for this. It’s so lonely and painful at times so I appreciate your kind words. [/quote]

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