Reply to Here's the thing I don't understand about husbands who don't help out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As usual, 90% of the posts in this thread are internalized misogyny.

The one that offends me most is the idea that any woman who struggles with allocating household duties and childcare with her spouse has somehow failed by either:

1) Being too dumb to marry a "good" husband
2) Being too obtuse to realize her husband sucks more than other husbands
3) Being too lazy to train her "bad" husband
4) Being too incompetent to just do it herself
5) Being too high-strung to just accept less than perfect
6) Being too poor to just hire it out

Imagine what the world would be like if, instead of constantly trying to prove that we alone figured out how to solve gender inequality in our specific marriage by just being smarter or prettier or more organized than all the other lesser women. Imagine if instead we supported each other. Imagine if every time some man said "Whatever, you're never happy anyway so why should I try", all the women backed that man's wife up and said "No, dumbass, you need to try harder."

But no, let's just keep doing this instead. It's working out GREAT. :roll:

[/quote]

Uh, isn’t that what the OP is advocating? She’s saying women should call their useless husbands out on their lazy, half asssed behavior and say they know it’s an act that isn’t fooling anyone.[/quote]

She is saying that she doesn't understand why women EVER complain about feeling burdened by unfair dynamics in their marriages. And then proceeds to explain that she has figured out the one correct way to fix the problem, which any intelligent woman would have figured out by now. It's condescending and assumes women are to blame for their husband's behavior.

There are women who do this constantly. They claim to be feminists, but then explain that the reason other women are unhappy in their relationships with men is their own fault for being "bad feminists." It's like "Rah Rah Women!" but then "Girls, You're Doing It Wrong! Here is My 24-Part Approach For Being a Better Wife, Mother, Girlboss, Sexual Partner, and Friend. Hint: You Suck!"[/quote]

I can’t help but notice the common theme on this thread of women enabling men.  The problem is that women are there to step up when the DH fails.  It sounds like many of the DWs need to NOT step up.  Don’t cook.  Don’t pick up the diapers on the floor.  Don’t transport the kids.  Don’t get them ready.

I have a husband who does 50-50 and that’s how I accomplish it.  I do NOT step up for him unless he is seriously ill/hospitalized.  Men are simply users and will use any amount of unpaid female labor they can get their hands on.  Don’t be that unpaid labor.

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