Reply to How do you get over being ostracized from a group?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I second the advice to try not seeing the group as a single entity and see if there are any friendships you can preserve. Groups like this are great for being invited to parties etc but true friendships are formed on the sidelines. 
I am sorry this happened to you and I don’t know specifically what was said but it is possible that once the conversation got going some folks chimed in not meaning any harm. Everyone talks about people and I myself have said things about dear friends that I would not want them to hear. Maybe you have too. Definitely a mistake to put it in email. 
On the other hand, i do find it odd that no one has reached out to you. If that’s the case it speaks to the superficiality of the group. [/quote]

No way dude. Anyone from this POS group of people will take any info from OP directly back to them. Her existence should not be the meat that feeds these gossip hounds. Good riddance ALL OF THEM. If no one had the backbone to stand up for or alert OP to whet was happening before the email then she has absolutely no need to deal with any of them again. F__k all of them. The whole bunch is rotten. [/quote]

Seconded, though my view is more nuanced.

I'm sure there are worthwhile people in a group of 40 friends, even if some of them turned out to be jerks. In fact, I would bet that even among the group that participated in this email chain or the underlying gossip. there are some decent folks with whom, under other circumstances, you could have a great friendship.

These are not other circumstances. This kind of gossip is like a virus. Even if you found someone from the group who was kind, what happens when these other people find out she is hanging out with you? They are gonna pump her for information. And even if she says no, I'm not going to talk about Larla, that in itself will become gossip fodder ("Did you hear Kelly has been hanging out with Larla, but they don't want anyone to know about it?!"). When people get into the habit of talking about each other in this way, it never ends. I wouldn't be surprised if someone from that group has seen this thread on DCUM, and contacted others saying something like "OMG, do you think this is Larla, lol." Even better, I bet there are people who are not part of OP's old friend group who saw this thread and wondered if it was about them. These groups are incredibly predictable. [b]They thrive on drama, in-group/out-group dynamics, an economy of gossip. There is not changing it. As OP demonstrates, people don't naturally just mature out of it, either. There are groups like this in senior citizen homes.[/b]

[b]Judge people by the company they keep.[/b] Anyone participating in a group like this has misaligned priorities and is not to be trusted. I'd throw OP, back when she was with these folks, into that category. I'm sorry this happened to her but glad it led her to get out and stop participating in this kind of behavior. It's a bottomless pit. Don't go chasing friendships into it. The world is full of great people with the potential to be wonderful friends. [b]Limiting yourself to the people in this specific group is buying into their delusions about themselves. They are not special. Leave them to their dysfunction.[/b][/quote]

Well said.  OP, these people are toxic and immature. Do you really want to be associated with them?  There are so many PPs that are familiar with this situation.  In this random sample, there are consistent stories about the same toxic and immature behavior, and the same "gossip as currency" worship. Everything about it is fake.  It's time to learn from it, grow up, and move on. They did you a favor.[/quote]

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