Reply to Inflexible, Perfectionist Parents, How Did You Relax Your Parenting?

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Reply to "Inflexible, Perfectionist Parents, How Did You Relax Your Parenting?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I have similar tendencies.  My therapist has been wonderful.  I wonder if you're getting the best therapy for yourself?

My therapist has emphasized that kids will actually thrive if they encounter a bit of adversity in all domains--including in their experiences with their parents.  So if their childhoods are "imperfect" in some regard, that can help them with adaptation, etc.  I'd think about it that way: imperfection will help your kids develop helpful coping skills.

You probably also need some "exposure" therapy.  You need to experiment on some level with being imperfect and then learn that outcomes will be ok.  Without these exposures, you'll never give yourself the opportunity to learn that imperfect parenting yields reasonable results.  You're currently reinforcing your own high standards.

Especially if you don't want to take meds, you need a great therapist and not a psychiatrist.

Finally, realize that the perfectionism itself isn't all good or all bad.  It's just that sometimes it's helpful and sometimes it isn't.  It's nice that it helps us achieve desired outcomes.  So don't view it as something you need to eradicate.  You just need to be more flexible.

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