Reply to Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She's stressed.

And while you think you're being subtle, I'm 100% sure that your "disgust" of her is obvious to her. Which doesn't help.

You need to reduce her stress. What SHE is stressed about, not what YOU think she should be stressed about. Especially about crap like inlaws that guys can be oblivious about. Guys have a way of putting stress onto women and then blaming them for being stressed.[/quote]

Look, here's the thing.  She may be stressed.  She may be depressed.  She may be any number of other things.  But SHE IS IN CHARGE OF HER.  Not OP.  Not his inlaws.  No one is responsible for the wellbeing of another adult, unless they are chained in the basement.  If she's depressed, it's on her to become un-depressed by whatever means.  Seek treatment. Go to the doctor. Something! I hate it when grown women blame other people for what is happening to them. [/quote]

Only a rich DCUM woman could possibly say this with a straight face. What you're basically saying is that it's her choice to be stressed, her fault if she's stressed.

That works fine if you get support from parents (including $ and/or babysitting, but maybe even just being kind and saying supportive things when you need to hear them), have no financial struggles, kids are doing well, no health issues in the family, etc. Then maybe it's someone's choice/fault if they go looking for problems. But in the real world, some women have a much harder life than is typically found on DCUM - kids with special needs (sometimes meaning no proper sleep in years), obnoxious inlaws and DH doesn't man up and deal with his own family, medical issues, financial worries so they just can't have a break when they desperately need it, etc.

Sometimes the best thing women can do for their stress level is to get divorced. At least then they know they're on their own with the issues and don't need to deal with DH pretending to help but actually piling on.[/quote]

No, I'm saying that if she is stressed, it is her responsibility to manage her stress.  If she chooses to manage it with a knife and a fork, that's her choice. No one is forcing her to do this.  I mean isn't there a healthier way of managing your stress.

I may be a rich DCUM woman, whatever that means. I've also lived through carpet bombing and years as a displaced person. My father just died. My third child is a preemie.  It's hugely stressful.  But here's the thing - stress is a part of life. That's what I tell my children when they tell me they are sad.  Sadness is a part of life.  Pain is a part of life.  Everyone will taste misery.  And when that happens, you don't get to turn to someone, stomp your feet, and say, remove this pain from my life! It doesn't work that way.  You have to manage your own pain. No one else can.  It's your job as an adult.[/quote]

Amen[/quote]

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