Reply to Unfaithful Spouse, how did you get over affair and save your marriage?

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Reply to "Unfaithful Spouse, how did you get over affair and save your marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How did you determine that you really want to save it? If you actually connected with someone else who is indeed a better match (usually not the case but it happens), can you live with staying with your spouse for the rest of your life, which could be 30 or more years? I think most people who cheat are unhappy-- unhappy enough to put their overall life security in harm's way and lose their homes, full custody, respect of family members and friends, even jobs? I mean, that's a lot to put on the line for someone you are lukewarm about? So, you cheat, your spouse finds out, and then you tell your spouse, well, I really don't care about the AP anyway? I'd say, you put us through all of that for someone you don't even have strong feelings for? [/quote]

I don't know if it is true that all who cheat are unhappy in their marriage.  Some just want excitement of new, some it's opportunity.  Also if you are in an affair, everything looks good for the new and less attractive for the old which just makes sense since there has been nothing but good experience with new.  Often, past is re-written so that it seems like the old relationship was not good so that your mind can justify cheating.  There's a lot to think through and it's not the superficial "feelings" that will get you to a real answer.  It will require a good therapist but those are sort of hard to find.[/quote]

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