Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I wasn't looking for your approval. OP asked my mindset and I gave it.

Anyway, from what I can tell, and I know a lot of men who have cheated, I really think it comes down to the old adage that men are as faithful as their options. I suppose I would admit that I am tall, conventionally attractive and outgoing, so I do get propositioned, as many men do in my situation, and I have turned down most offers but not all. The second thing is you can really minimize the risk by giving your man something to lose, i.e. make the bedroom hot for him. It won't guarantee he won't cheat, but being a prude will guarantee he will - if he can.

Perhaps marry an introvert who doesn't travel for work and has a lower libido, would probably be your best chance to have a faithful man under all conditions. [/quote]

I think this is something you tell yourself to feel better.  My brother is tall, conventionally attractive, travels a lot for work and has a $15 million house.  He has options, but is faithful (we have talked about it).  My DH is outgoing, in great shape, travels a lot and is a super high earner.  He said lots of people cheat at work conferences.  He doesn't - sometimes I travel with him, other times I don't, but he feels like we have a great family and has no interest in blowing it up.  I also have options but totally agree with him.  So, just own your lack of character and call it what it is, because there are lots of good guys who don't lie and cheat like you do.[/quote]

So I'm the poster who asked the guy for tell signs of a cheater.  Reading these boards makes me wonder if we ever know if a man cheats.  At this point, doesn't this make you cynical?  I grew up believing that good people were good regardless of sex but when you hear from men on these boards, maybe we're the ones in the dark.  I truly believe my husband isn't a cheater but maybe because he has daughters that he loves very much and wouldn't want to risk his relationship with them?  [/quote]

A lot of men cheat at some point and most don't get caught.  Long term affairs aren't nearly as common though.

But why obsess about it?  You can only do so much to make your marriage great, and after that, maybe he will, maybe he won't.  It's not a death sentence.[/quote]

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