Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Cheated twice.

First time was cliche - business conference, she pursued me, hard first night, I was a good boy.  Second night, after a couple drinks, not so good.  Never heard from her again.

Second time, mid-40s, also cliche.  Wife lost all interest in sex, sexless for months (like, actually sexless and wife had no interest in counseling).  A friend of a close friend was going through a divorce, we met at a mutual happy hour and after a few texts, it happened.  A few times.

My mindset for each one was slightly different but ultimately no different than your mindset if single.  I thought with my penis.  Although the second time it was much easier to say yes since I didn't and still don't feel I have that much to lose.[/quote]

If you don't have much to lose, why not let you wife gain a life by either communicating with her so that she understands your viewpoint about sex or divorce?  Why not do the right thing and divorce your wife when she's still young and can move on quickly?  If you had told your wife the 1st time around, it might have been the right thing to do as she might have divorced you while still young/kids still young.  Now, it's just selfish.

BTW, since you folded so quickly the first time (2nd night), it means that it's just within you to cheat.  No reasons/excuses.  Key is how do we determine early on that you all are the cheating kind of guys.  [b]You could do us service by giving us advice on how you would determine guys likely to cheat or not (and I'm sure you know other cheaters around you to draw on for advice).  It would be kind of fun to have cheaters tell us how to spot them early on[/b].  [/quote]

I wasn't looking for your approval.  OP asked my mindset and I gave it.

Anyway, from what I can tell, and I know a lot of men who have cheated, I really think it comes down to the old adage that men are as faithful as their options.  I suppose I would admit that I am tall, conventionally attractive and outgoing, so I do get propositioned, as many men do in my situation, and I have turned down most offers but not all.  The second thing is you can really minimize the risk by giving your man something to lose, i.e. make the bedroom hot for him.  It won't guarantee he won't cheat, but being a prude will guarantee he will - if he can.

Perhaps marry an introvert who doesn't travel for work and has a lower libido, would probably be your best chance to have a faithful man under all conditions.

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