Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For those who have touched on childhood issues, I would underscore this.  We are in our 50s but I had no clue how intergenerational infidelity is.  If Dad cheated, unless you did your internal work, expect husband will cheat.  Seriously.  We had a very happy marriage but when 50s hit and unresolved trauma from childhood plus opportunity, bam.  I wish I had understood how lethal the situation is and known more of the details about dh’s father also.  Working to recover now and very difficult.  So much grief on all sides. [/quote]

I have to say that this thread has been revelatory for me regarding childhood issues and how they manifest later in life in a marriage.  Childhood and parental behaviors are red flags that should be considered before a marriage.  I've always heard that it is something that should be considered but it's easy to believe when they say I don't want to be like my dad and so will never cheat/drink etc. when they are young.  What the many examples on here tell me is that these issues can manifest later in life and so what these men say earlier in life should be taken with a grain of salt.

Thanks to all of you who contributed.  I don't have any doubts that these childhood/parental issues should definitely be considered when choosing a spouse, regardless of how much they may despise cheating/bad behavior when young.

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