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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again. “Operate as a family” means spending a weekend of spring break together—as an example.  Again, not crashing their entire spring break but being able to join them for the last weekend and do Easter with them.  Also, I’ve met the rest of my boyfriends family and everyone is very welcoming. They want me there. It wasn’t my idea.[/quote]

Can't you understand that a weekend with you and your younger children is not very appealing to her?  She doesn't want to share her already reduced time with her father!  Get a clue.[/quote]

Op here. Spring break would be just ME. Again, no one is intermingling our kids. [/quote]

But you want to intermingle eventually, and she knows it.  She has a better grasp of this situation than you do, and she doesn't want to give you an inch because you'll take a mile.[/quote]

Ok. So she wins. Her dad and I can break up. Is that what you’re suggesting? Or do we stay in some sort of relationship limbo?[/quote]

Yes, I think those are the choices: Breaking up or “limbo” as you put it. Which brings us back to the question you are avoiding: What does HE want in the relationship? It sounds like you have grown impatient with status quo. He may be perfectly fine with it. You are pushing for something “more” and the daughter senses it and doesn’t like it.

You may THINK you are being respectful and may intend that. But your actions may send a different signal.[/quote]

OP here---HE wants to move forward because HE is tired of always being away from his house. HE wants me to come over more often because HE doesn't always want to be away from his community, his home and his chores.  HE wants to be able to spend time with me and his children. He is tired of living the separate worlds we have been living so HE wants to move forward also.  So that's what he wants.  Again, we have been dating for 4 years. This has been well thought out--or so we thought. HE doesn't want her to be unhappy but HE is also upset and aghast that she's behaving this way. SO IS HER MOM.    So you guys can pile it on me all you want but I will pick and chose between your advice. I very much understand this isn't ideal and I get that you dont get ideal with blended families.  My younger kids very much also prefer their time alone with me (because their dad remarried a woman with lots of kids) and I respect their wishes. SO BOTH MY BF and I very much have our respective homes and lives but we also would like to inch this forward.  His other kids and my kids do their best to tolerate it, even enjoy it.  His older son (senior) has a very "IDGAF" attitude but he's always polite and doesn't run away in a huff.   [/quote]

We understand that you want that.  But, as children of divorce all know, sometimes the family we want is not possible because one person is unwilling to be in a family with another person.  Or because someone is not willing to behave in a way that other people can tolerate.  This happens all the time!  Yes, it feels unfair to you and your boyfriend.  Yes, you have no good options.  Bummer.  You get what you get.

You and he aren't going to make any progress with his daughter until you acknowledge that this isn't about just politeness or a brief visit or a weekend.  It is about you and your children's long-term role in her family life and you need to acknowledge that that is what's at stake here.  Frankly if you are this willfully obtuse in person I wouldn't like you either.[/quote]

OP here/ This has been acknowledged. We would not be putting her through this if this wasnt about moving forward on a long term basis. She knows this.  No one is ignoring that part.[/quote]

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