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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I understand you are trying to fix things and trying to solve this and trying to empathize and trying to make this all not be as bad as it really is.

My heart goes out to you.  You are a really good person.

But you are moving too quickly to making his problems your own to fix.  YOU have a problem.  This man has demonstrated an established pattern of dishonesty and trickle truth when confronted.  He has proven to you again and again and again that he cannot be trusted and does not have your best interest at heart.  On a fundamental level, he tricked you into marrying him.

Would your road to marriage have been as quick and smooth if he had been honest that he has a an addiction or a compulsive behavior that is interfering in his life?  Would you have consented to being his partner under these circumstances?

I think you really need to take a few steps back and ask yourself if this is what you want for your life.

I say this as someone who has made the mistake of trying to fix people who have CORE, FUNDAMENTAL honesty issues.  People with addictions and habits of lying to protect their addictions are very dangerous to partner with.  He has no qualms about lying to protect himself.  This will not change.  He will display some radical honesty to build back your trust and make you feel validated.  But he's not going to magically develop a conscience about lying.  Lying suited him and does not bother him.  Right now, telling some bit of the truth is cementing him to you so he will keep doing that.  But make no mistake that he will lie again if he feels threatened.

You also need to know that compulsive behaviors like shopping often go along with other compulsions...sex addiction and gambling among the two most prevalent other than actual substance abuse.  He is not all of a sudden going to develop coping skills for the feelings that compulsive buying can medicate.  So look out for a new addiction or compulsion to take the place of this one.

Please do a lot of reading for yourself on whether you wish to be the partner of an addict.  And please read about codependency.  Your rush to offer to pay off his debt screamed "codependent" to me.  I understand the impulse all too well.    You seriously need therapy and I don't say that in a mean way.  You need help to save yourself from these tendencies.

I'm rooting for you to focus on yourself for a while, on the fact of this huge betrayal, and on what you are going to invest your time and effort in right now.  [/quote]

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