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[quote=Anonymous]I think the question that is missing in this discussion is "Why are you hosting?"  and "Why am I accepting this invitation?"  Although many of us throw parties to have a good time, I think at the heart of it is a desire to make friends.  If you consider that this might be the driving motivation behind the invites, then if you have no interest in doing this, perhaps you are better off not accepting the invitation (and I guess I should say, not accept dinner parties v. big parties).

For many years, I used to host largish, regular monthly potluck parties in my neighborhood--it started off because we had small children and wanted to have at least once a month where we knew we would have adult fun.  However, I also was hosting because I wanted to get to know the people who were coming and become friends with them.  Friendships are a 2-way street, and in my opinion, the reciprocity is not that you owe someone something, but that you are demonstrating interest in pursuing a friendship.  Reciprocity is calling someone to say hello, inviting them for a walk or some other outing, sending a card just because, texting "Been thinking of you" and a whole bunch of small gestures, and is not really about returning a dinner invite; and it shouldn't just be one-sided.  When I met people who I thought it would be great to know better, I would often invite them over for smaller get togethers where we could talk or get to know each other better and hang out, but none of this was ever reciprocated except through big party invites (or in a couple of cases, not at all).  I took this to mean there was no interest in real friendship.

However, over time I've come to conclude that something must be wrong with me and my family, since despite many years of this kind of practice, once we stopped these monthly get togethers, and even before we stopped, we basically didn't see any of the regulars outside of our home that used to come on a monthly basis to our home.  Instead I'd see on FB and out my window, that these people who met and got to know each other through my family's generosity were regularly getting together for dinner, to hang out, to go out to movies, shopping, ball games, etc.   When we stopped our party, one of our guests actually said, "Well now that you've stopped I don't know when I'll see you again."  (She lives 3 streets away.) So I guess there was a mismatch:  I was hoping to become friends with the people who were coming to my home, while they were looking for a good time'and while I was so busy being a good hostess my guests became good friends.  And I developed fake friends.  It still stings, one person who I thought was a friend kept trying to get me to host a Nail Jam party (and before that a Mila Seed party or some other product party), and I kept putting it off.  Up until that time, I would call, invite, etc, and after that party, I didn't call her because things got busy for me, and wouldn't you know it, she never called or texted me again.  We see each other occasionally now in our neighborhood meetings/events, but I realize now I was just a potential customer.

Anyway, my perspective may not be true for others, but this is what I experienced and why it hurts.  I've stopped  pretty much with dinner parties, though I did try again last week, though the 2 couples who came for the roast turkey dinner didn't think to even thank me until I reached out a few days afterwards to thank them for coming.  I actually said I looked forward to getting together with them at their house or some other place and heard crickets in response. Not even pretending. Guess they just came over for free food.[/quote]

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