Reply to So upset I'm shaking - DH wayward dad asked us for money...

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, your comments about your father-in-law's wife are just... odd. They seem snide to me.  I can't understand why you feel so mean towards a woman married to an old man.  It's odd to me.

As for you being so upset that you're shaking with rage, I do understand that.  I don't want my peace disturbed, nor do I want to be shouted at especially by my husband.  You have every right to be upset, though your strong reaction makes me wonder if this isn't the first time your husband has been the go to guy for people needing money.

I'm also troubled by your husband's refusing to pay the mechanic directly, and that the request for money was made to him, not to you both as a couple.  Also, the request was done verbally not over text.  Given all this, combined with your husband's reaction, I'd ask myself the following.  Is this the first time your husband has been asked for money either by his father or by anybody else?  Given his reaction to you, is it possible he is complicit in whatever is going on?  Is the rage you feel normal for you? If it isn't, what's causing it?

To the people saying it's only money, of course it is.  My house is also only wood, yet I'm not about to use it for kindling. For me, I'd be more upset at the disturbance of my day, the fight with the husband, the shadiness of the husband, and the simple fact that I wouldn't want that $$ amount going out of my house when I got no pleasure from the experience.  I also wouldn't want to set myself or my husband up as the "go to" person for the next time money was needed.

To the people comparing this to a flat tire or injury, this is very different. An injury and a flat tire fall under the catigory of bad luck. They can also be dealt with by seeking out reputable vendors.  The op would get some pleasure out of a functioning car, or a husband who was not in pain. The op gets nothing from paying off the father-in-law's debt.

If the husband was a boyfriend and not finantially linked to the op, I'd say it's up to him and the op should stay out of it.  If the op didn't live with said boyfriend I'd tell her to stay out of it, and to use this experience as a decision about wether or not to continue dating.

Given that this is a marriage, their finances and housing are entwined.  OP's physical safety and that of her children may be at risk as people who hit up other people for money are not in a good place.  Extreme stress makes people do strange things.  OP's first duty is to protect her children and herself.

Seriously think if you want to end the marriage.  If you do, you have every right to say so. Frame saying no to the money request as a physical safety and mental health issue.  The father-in-law may need help, but OP needs finantial, emotional and physical security too, something she won't get if the behavior of her husband continues.  [/quote]

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