Reply to How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?

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[quote=Anonymous]I agree with discussing this with your son and coming to a solution together.

When I was 16, my paternal grandmother stopped talking to my parents over something trivial (it was her M.O. and not the first time). My dad basically supported her, so every month I brought over her monthly check. And she would sit there and say shitty things about my dad right to my face. I didn't know how to handle it...I was a teenager, and I would just cry on the way home because I didn't understand how she could say those things. Finally I brought it up with my mom and we talked through my grandmother's history and issues and how to handle the situation in the future (basically I did what people now call "gray rock" and make visits as short as possible).

Looking back I'm glad I talked about the situation with my mom because at the time it confirmed to me that this was not normal behavior and it gave me some agency and confidence to deal with it myself, with support from my parents. I was old enough to handle it. And yes, these incidents (along with others) permanently affected my relationship with her...I was never able to unring that bell, to unhear the nasty things she said about my amazing dad. [/quote]

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