Reply to Vent about my sister just being a jerk

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP - OP, this isn't about the holidays.  That's a symptom of the underlying issue.  Your sister doesn't want to have a relationship with you or your parents -- or if she does, she wants one that exists only at a distance.  I have no idea why that is.  Maybe its on her end, maybe it's on yours, maybe it's your parents. Most likely, it's some combination, but she's drawing some pretty hard boundaries.  And she's telling you that she needs to keep those boundaries, even this year.

Whether you want to do the work -- and it will be work -- to figure out why she feels like she needs these boundaries is up to you.  Be prepared that, if you do and she's willing, the best case scenario will require some hard conversations, hurt feelings and a willingness to take an unflinching look at your own behavior and memories.  But from what you've been posting, her decision not to be with you guys for the holidays this year is completely consistent.

Question, though: have you ever asked her why she stays away?  And I mean asked and then just listened to the answer without trying to argue or justify?[/quote]

+1,000[/quote]

I've never asked her. I think people have gotten this impression that I've pressured her to come visit. I call her up about once a week and listen to her talk about her stuff for about an hour. Rinse and repeat the next week. I can't remember the last time she's ever asked about my life. [/quote]

Then stop calling her EVERY week! That seems excessive in these circumstances. She will call you if she wants to chat. OP, I think you should let go and live your own life and don’t have any expectations. She is probably not reaching out to you/parents because she KNOWS you will contact her and give her updates on you & parents. Don’t do this! Stop carrying the emotional load. If she wants to know what is going on with family let her reach out to you. Stop doing this for her.[/quote]

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