Reply to I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here

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Reply to "I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the parents who get involved in social engineering are the ones who have kids who struggle socially. It’s all fine and good to not mind if your kids get excluded if your kids have tons of friends otherwise. It’s a different story when your kid isn’t liked too much. It hurts—both your child and you. Parents just want to help their children.[/quote]

That’s fine for elementary school, but by the time they are teenagers parents need to step back.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

DP.
And for some kids, when they're teens the parents need to pay more attention, not less, and listen even more carefully, and be more observant during middle and high school.

I'm not talking about arranging a teen's social life or asking others to include a teen in some activity etc.

I'm talking about knowing your own child well enough that you know whether he or she is struggling. So many DCUM posters say to step back when they hit middle and high school. Of course they need to navigate most things themselves--but if they aren't talking to you about their lives at all, there may be bigger issues going on. Issues a teen should not have to try to deal with alone.

So much "advice" here is generalized yet presented as stern gospel truth. Step away or your teen is bring coddled! How about: Know your kid and have a relationship where your kid will talk to you in the teen years.

My friend who is a school counselor says she despairs over parents who think HS is the time to check out in the name of "not bring a helicopter parent." [/quote]

No one is suggesting that parents don't listen to their children or be attentive at home.  That's different from actively getting involved in a tween/teen's social life, engineering their interactions or disparaging other kids/their parents as mean, simply because natural friend groups are forming and changing and evolving.[/quote]

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