Reply to So have we talked about this SAHM in Arlington Profile?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ultimate hypocrisy. “The future is female” - so I’ll stay home while a man pays. [/quote]

I had a lengthy conversation with a sahd yesterday. Feel better?[/quote]

Was he at home with a son, a woman supporting them both, and crowing “the future is male!?”

I’d say no different were that the case.

If you don’t see the irony in that quote from the article, I can’t help you.[/quote]

When one person takes care of the children and homefront, that allows the partner to work, including travel, unfettered by childcare and other home-based concerns. There is huge value in that, and it’s the partnership that allows it. They are [b]both[/b] supporting the entire family unit. No irony.[/quote]

Maybe in some SAHM situations. In my case, [b]I see my child as my daytime occupation.[/b] If I throw in laundry or dishes, fine, but I’m not home slaving away at the house while DH sits back. He gets home and helps with dishes and laundry and takes the trash out we hire cleaners to come once every 2-3 weeks so neither of us has to scrub toilets. Once DH isn’t home for the night, child duties are split between us, most of the time more heavily in DH’s direction as he often does both bath and bed. [/quote]

Meant to say once DH *is home* for the night, childcare is split... I wouldn’t say DH is unfettered by child and home concerns. [/quote]

What I meant by that is that the partner earning an income can travel for work, stay late for meetings, head to the office when a kid is sick, not have to come home to meet a contractor, etc. Unfettered in that sense.[/quote]

This attitude is ridiculous. The kid is not a lump of clay. A child should not be a "datime occupation". This mindset is an issue. Staying home is not. Moms like this are honestly creating monsters and a real PITA themselves. Its not rocket science and hell yeah, you should be doing the laundry. How TF would you not have the time? I have WOHM, SAHM and worked partime and so has my spouse and the one home with the kid does this stuff. That is how it is done. No, it is not fair to refuse to do household chores when you are not earning any income because your child is an "occupation". GTFO yourself.[/quote]

I don't see my time with my kids as an "occupation" but I also don't see that I'm automatically responsible for more of the general household chores. I'll do them if I can, but they certainly aren't my "job" either.

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I don't know what I think about that. I think as a general rule that stuff should be done by the person who has the time, or cares more. I don't see how the former would not usually be the SAHM. If I am really busy at work and my husband is off for any reason, I certainly expect him to do the household chores. I don't see why that would not be the general assumption. Your "job" is not staring at your kid all day, and anyone should be able to handle having a small child and doing the laundry. Sorry if that isn't popular, but come on.[/quote]

To that end, everyone I know that employs a caretaker for young kids expects that they will do the dishes and do the laundry for the kid. Why would you not expect the same from a SAHM? [b]Seriously, that's just a crappy deal if not. I would not take it. [/b]Sorry.[/quote]

"A crappy deal"? [b]You are [i]negotiating[/i] your family's approach to childcare? 
[/b]
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Every single family that has ever discussed this has negotiated their approach to child care. If you are not talking about it, you are...what, exactly? Yes, when my husband took a job that paid much more and required more hours, I said I would need to cut back to drive the kids around and I would do the dishes and laundry so he could work more and we could save more. I fail entirely to see how coming up with an arrangement that seems fair and workable is bad? [/quote]

We decide together the best childcare for our kids. Household chores do not enter the conversation. It's not "a deal". 
[/quote]

This makes no sense. How do you decide who does what chores? Having a conversation about it isn't some kind of bad thing. You sound defensive and ridiculous, sorry. [/quote]

Household chores are a separate conversation and much more fluid. Not related to kids.

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Yeah, I don't get this. The spouse AT HOME where the freakin laundry and yard and dishes ARE LOCATED who has young kids who presumably nap and lets see, no other "job" presumably has more time and access to said chore locations. Why would they not do the chores? Why would you not think you should do most of the chores? [/quote]

Why do you assume the spouse at home has no other "jobs"?

Childcare (kid meals, dishes, laundry, activities) takes up a lot of the day. All capable family members can contribute to general household responsibilities. AKA older kids can do their own laundry.

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