Reply to My adult step-daughter wants to move in with us

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]art time job.  I suspect she doesn't know how to move forward and is just loss.  [/quote]

I think you would be a wonderful resource as a mother to anyone.

If I read you right, no engagement with a therapist means no moving in with your family? And if she stopped therapy and still didn't want to pursue classes or work, then -- she has to leave?

I am asking because I think that is more likely the situation OP is entering (who knows, you always only get one side, but nonetheless). It is really nice to talk about being supportive and focus on that -- it's admirable! -- and it's also the easy part of this. I don't think it's fair to talk about OP's situation by saying what we would do in a different situation. I do, however, appreciate having both the, well, carrot and stick aspects addressed.

But it won't be useful (with a different kid) to just say "be positive!" In your own language, I'd say that isn't helping her with tools, or at least not a full set.[/quote]

Thank you.  I prefer these type of productive conversations on this board, something to give Op an opportunity to ponder her role in someone's future.  Quite simply, sometimes we all just want to be told it will be okay and know that we have people who care about us and our welfare.  I just don't see enough of this in my teenagers' friends families.  I wish we could get back to believing in our children/young adults and not judging them so harshly ( and I am no snowflake type of parent).  I just believe in life, we all make mistakes, we all have failures, but isn't it how we bounce back from these that proves how strong we can be?  Everyone deserves a second chance.[/quote]

Sorry, to answer your question, yes, you are "reading" me correctly.  Therapy is a must, it's not negotiable.  Perhaps stepdaughter can have a say in the therapist, but she has to commit to going to said therapist.  If, and this is a big if, that works out then Op is well on her way of helping to turn this young woman's life around.  We put so much on our daughters these days, maybe this girl just needs someone to believe in her instead of attacking her self esteem at every angle.[/quote]

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