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[quote=Anonymous]PS: I was a different kid, but in the other direction. I came from a pretty difficult childhood (I slept beside my parent's bed during junior high, because my mother was working double shifts as a nurse and my father was quite ill -- it was my job to call 911 if he had another heart attack or stroke, because she wouldn't wake up). I worked a series of part-time jobs in high school, was a National Merit finalist, but worked all through university to pay for room and board. At one point I had 6 part-time jobs, including 2 that were just a few hours a week.

Anyway, if anyone offered me any help, it was received with gratitude and bending over backwards to not be a burden. But that's not what it sounds like OP is dealing with. Right now I'm dating a divorced dad with a near-20-year-old who spends all day smoking weed in his bedroom. He graduated at 17 and is extremely bright, but he started college classes 5 times without completing a semester. He is "looking for work" (his brother, 2 years older, can find work through a temp agency or job listings within days).

I know it is touching to muse on bringing a tear to his eye by recognizing his trials, but that has been done, over and over. There have been multiple trials with therapy, which he is no longer interested in. There has been a psychiatric assessment. He moved states away to be with his mom, and then back here when she insisted he get a job.

He's got stresses and problems. He really does! He gets a lot of support, friendly ears, and advice when he asks for it. His father always, always tells him he loves him each night before bed (I hear it, and I love it).

It's not changing. Something has to change.

And just saying "be patient and loving, and listen to him" [I]is not working[/I]. It's neglecting the reality of these situations to pretend that it will, just because it would have worked for me or your stepdaughter.[/quote]

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