Reply to My adult step-daughter wants to move in with us

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What would you tell your biological 22 year old daughter?

Frankly, 22 isn't ridiculously old to want to move home.  I would make any child work, go to school (or trade school), etc.  But I would always provide a home for my children.  That's what parents do![/quote]

Well...my parents had a rule that we all moved out when we were 18 so I'm not sure my opinion would be different. I guess I grew up more independent and have that as my mindset. But you make a good point that parents need to provide a home for their kid. Her problem is she does not want to work. Her mom told us she spends all day at home (no local friends - they're all away at school). She has applied to a few jobs but hasn't had any luck. This would be her first job so she doesn't have any work experience.[/quote]

Never knew anyone who got to that age without having had any job--even myself and I was the absolute worst at job-hunting when I was young, all the jobs I had up until about age 22 (including one year between sophomore and junior year of college) were actually found by family or relatives. If she's 22 and hasn't finished college and has never had a job what has she been doing with all the extra time??? But anyway, job-hunting should be her job (like people on public benefits are required to spend 20 or 25 hours a week in job search activities, she can spend 5 hours a day at Job Service) --- with zip experience she has to be totally entry-level like 15 year olds in the real world who get to mop the floor at McDonald's because they aren't allowed near the hot grease. Or through a day-labor temp agency. Either that or DH is going to have to come up with a starter job for her.

It sounds like her mom hasn't been all that effective at helping her get moving in a concrete way--maybe pressure without tools? I think she needs a push and that is where the united front is going to come in.

I think if I were her, besides whatever loafing I might be getting away with, I would also be starting to feel scared about my future, even if I kept it to myself (which I probably would). [/quote]

Do you know what my twenty five year old told me over dinner recently, he thanked god he had parents like my husband and myself because they were there, demonstrating very step of the way how to approach people, how to talk to people, how to not be afraid to ask for things, like a job.  This girl obviously had a mother who demonstrated very little motivation or life skills and may be a bit intimidated when it comes to asking for a job application especially when she feels like a failure already.  Who would want her?  Just saying, this might be going on in her head and that is okay.  In fact, it's completely natural if she's been given everything up to this point.  Never to late to teach her, but that will take patience and time.[/quote]

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