Reply to My adult step-daughter wants to move in with us

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a child of a failed marriage,so I do not expect her to have a bright future. Cautionary tale of what  happens to the children of divorce, and why not to have kids with irresponsible people. These kids do not have the security of a roof over their head if something goes wrong!

This person is being discussed as if she is a burden on these people's life. I hope she does not have the misfortune to read this forum and self harm herself. [/quote]

This is well said and so true.  Op, I took my step daughter in (hate this wording) because her mother was a f g joke.  This poor girl poured her heart and soul into her relationship with her mother only to have that very same person toss her to the wind when my stepdaughter was clearly crying out for help.  Age is not an issue in some children of divorce, sometimes they just never adjusted and got the help or guidance they needed during or after the divorce process.  My step daughter at 19 ( one year into college) need therapy desperately, and we were thankfully able to help and give her that support.  She left her college and took community college courses until she was ready to transfer back into her four year university.  In all, she graduated with her degree in six years, with our support and guidance.  I treasure that time because I KNOW we were able to give her a lifeline she was seeking and we are a big part of the reason why she is now pursuing her graduate degree, is engaged to an amazing man and yes, gainfully employed.  I sleep better at night knowing she is secure and peaceful, and so does her father, my husband.  Was it a curveball I wasn't expecting, yes, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat.  I love, love, love having her at our family dinners and seeing that beautiful smiles. I only wish I had stepped in earlier.[/quote]

Would there have been any limits if she was not willing to go to therapy, or back to classes, or get a job? What were the boundaries? Just curious. And the question is for how long -- indefinitely, like years? Or what?

I think the OP's situation would be very different if the young woman was going to be doing community college classes and therapy.[/quote]

Obviously you have to set limits, but, I wouldn't do it as soon as she walks through the door.  She is already probably pretty low in the self esteem category of life, a little time to adjust to the new household and catch her breath.  Do you think she doesn't know she is letting people down, not to mention herself?  I think everyone deserves a chance to begin again and start over.  If drugs or something were involved I'd still want to help but would be stricter right at the start, but if not, I would focus on letting her know she has a safe place to sleep and a family that is there to support her and guide her with her next steps.[/quote]

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