Reply to When the Other Woman meets your kids

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "When the Other Woman meets your kids "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So letting kids draw their own conclusions about their father is abusive but telling them an abusive man ISNT abusive is healthy?

Nah. [/quote]

No, you don't characterize his behavior towards YOU.  If he behaves badly to the kids, yes you have to step in to sort that out.  But the fact that he was banging someone while you were married and that destroyed their family?  Nope.

Kids need to believe their dad loves them and they can't do that very well if they know their dad thought so little of them as to cheat and leave.  We divorced moms need to help kids feel loved by their dads, not pile on with how horrible his rejection of us is.

When the kid is an adult with a family of my own, trust me, he'll figure out that what dad did sucked royally.  He'll also understand how difficult it is to be married and have kids, which helps explain dad's behavior.  Not justify or excuse, but explain.[/quote]

OMG, you think these people just bang people and come home and act like the greatest person on earth.

No. They are angry, passive aggressive, rude, judgemental, etc... and the kids have to deal with it. The finding out about the affair is like a balloon being popped from too much air... at first it is jarring but once the toxic person is removed from the home... the kids do better.

Kid don't need to BELIEVE their dad loves them... they need a dad that loves them. LOVE is a VERB, not a feeling. When you rob your kids of time, money and energy... that is not love. Kids need to know that. If you act like that behavior is normal they will marry somebody who is toxic like their dad.

His rejection is not of the wife... they reject their kids stability. Do you know how easy it is to just move out and say, this is not working. Nobody is asking somebody to stay in an unhappy situation, but cheating is a toxic response to stress,.... just like alcohol abuse or drug use.

Waiting until they are 22 and looking back... no.. too late. Talk about the elephant in the room, get therapy, learn how to deal with selfish, toxic people now. Kids will be soooo much better off learning to deal with their dad now.

This is what I explain to my kids... life is stressful. You relieve stress with sleep, meditation, good food, working out, spending time with friends and the love and support of your family. You turn in... when you turn out, you are going to self destruct. You don't blame others, drink, do drugs and f random women to relieve stress.

You are making excuses and it's sad. [/quote]

I think this was well stated.  It's absolutely vital to tell the kids the truth because they will ask why they are divorcing. Why is dad living with Suzie? Why do I have to share my dad and toys with Suzie's kids? Etc. Etc.

One can be honest, but not giving out marriage details or as someone suggested not using your child as a therapist. That's totally wrong. So is bad mouthing the other parent - the kids will form their own opinions.

If he ends up with the AP I don't see a reason OP would have to talk to her. Only talk to the ex about the kids. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics