Reply to Parents are NOT notified by the college if the child gets in trouble, e.g. drugs, alcohol in dorm?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A lot of very, very angry and self-defensive people on this tread, or it's the same poster or 2-3 posters repeating themselves over and over again.

I'm long out of college but I'm also old enough to know that every person matures at different rates. There's an obtuse silliness to demand that as soon as someone turns 18 the parents must back away at all costs, the way some of the posters on here are suggesting. Life is much more complicated than that. The ages of 18-25 is very much a case of what works for one person doesn't work for another. Most 18 year olds are not really adults in the proper sense of the world, most won't really fully become adults for another decade. And college is a serious investment these days, far more so than even just 20 years ago. Parents who are helping to pay the expenses have a huge amount of money - their money - at stake as well.

I don't claim to know what the best answer to the situation is but treating it as a binary and ranting and screaming and calling people morons for suggesting parents remain more involved with colleges is not helpful. [/quote]

Play it however you want to in your mind, but anyone 18+ is legally an adult. Therefore, they have LEGAL rights to privacy.

Now, can you as a parent set certain standards of communication and behavior, or you won't pay for college? Absolutely. But you still don't have a LEGAL right to certain information unless your son or daughter OPTS-IN to signing waivers, lists you as an emergency contact, signs forms saying you may be contacted or informed or have access to certain info. Work out your standards and your plan with your son or daughter.

The doctors in the health center don't have the LEGAL RIGHT to contact you *unless your son or daughter explicitly gives them permission to do so;* or unless they are incapacitated and you are listed as the emergency contact. It's not a matter of they should or they should make that judgment call; they LEGALLY CANNOT, do you get it?[/quote]

I daresay most of us understand there is a legal right involved here. What some of us are saying is that it doesn't mean that right is always "right" for everyone. There are kids for whom a strict adherence to the "legal right" is not the best thing and may actually cause more problems. I personally had no issues in college but I saw kids who did and floundered despite turning up freshman year in the belief they were fully prepared. A PP above me claimed you should know your child isn't ready for a residential college, but it's not always clear either. A 18 year old student can be fully functional and great and responsible in high school and then go off to college the next year and suddenly feel overwhelmed by the lack of structure and freedom and demands for greater personal responsibilities, or fall into the wrong cliques and let drink and drugs consume them. It happens. I've seen it happen.

I'll reiterate what I wrote earlier and say I don't know what the best answer is, but I still think some of you are deliberately failing to understand or recognize life is much more complicated than the assumption everyone is a properly responsible and functioning adult at age 18. [/quote]

The answer starts with letting go of any notion that the law isn't the law, or that the law can be bent or change for you.

-You can absolutely wait to send your child to a residential 4-year until they are ready; going away for college isn't for everyone. You can look at options close to home so your son or daughter can live at home while taking classes.

-You can absolutely outline a set of standards that your son or daughter will follow if they expect you to pay for a 4-year residential college experience. That's between you and your son or daughter.

-What you CAN'T do is expect laws and policies related to people who are adults in the eyes of the law to change or be bent for you, personally. That's absurd. The laws and policies are clear and there to be read: you may not pick and choose which work for you, personally. You can work out a path that does work for you, but it must abide by laws and policies.

-If you want to challenge a law or a policy, feel free; there are ways to do that. Hand-wringing on DCUM ain't one of them. [/quote]

What law prevents an RA from calling a parent when a kid is slitting their wrists?[/quote]

An RA is an agent of the university and is bound by the same policy as a dean. Someone on their floor finds a student slitting their wrists he RA (or roommate or friend of the student) immediate calls 911 and the student is taken to the nearest hospital. If the student is unconscious the hospital will notify the parent, assuming that parent can be found (put your name and number in the emergency contact part of their phone). [/quote]

Nothing keeps the RA from calling the parent.[/quote]

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