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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s annoying but we also chose to marry these men and continue to make choices that enable their behavior. My husband is a wonderful dad but asked me the other day which drawer our 2 year olds pajamas are in and then got mad when I glared at him—like apparently it’s unreasonable for him to be expected to know after 2 years. But I dunno, he’s lightyears better than his father and I DO do the majority of childcare as a SAHM. .

My SIL is a brilliant, strong-minded and independent engineer in a senior position at huge company and her husband is one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. BUT he doesn’t lift a finger for their young children and she doesn’t seem bothered at all when she works an intense job and then comes home and does 100% of household responsibilities. She’ll be running around dressing them, packing them up, drying tears etc and he’ll just go sit in the car to wait for her to get the kids out the door. I’ve never had the guts to ask her how she tolerates her husband’s extreme lack of parental involvement  but she’s accepted it and seems happy. But I look at her situation and mind and feel like this is really an issue that we as women have created by our acceptance of it. Whether are standards are too low for fathers or our need to control things is too high—[b]we largely don’t ask them to step up and be true equals[/b]. [/quote]

Why is the burden on us to ask them? Why aren’t they stepping up because they are fathers and husbands?[/quote]

Because men aren’t “nice.”   They don’t care.  Look at the suffering in this world due to men. So many wars, murders, abuse, etc.  Almost all crimes are by men!  I’ve come to accept that they have serious problems.  It means that women really do have to demand respect or we will not receive it.  Just like there have to be laws against murder.  Most women wouldn’t murder someone even if there wasn’t a law.  You think it would be the same way for men?  No way.  [/quote]

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