Reply to Parents being pushy about staying at our new house

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP if I was your wife I would be pretty annoyed. Your wife agreed to the visit but not to hosting your parents and you agreed with her, were on board. [b]When you tried to tell your mom to stay in a hotel, you let your mom turn it around where not only is she staying with you but she is bringing a bed. Your mom knows exactly what she is doing. She plans on leaving the bed there and now of course she can always stay because after all she brought the bed. [/b]

My aunt did something similar to my cousin. When they bought a new house, my cousin's mom insisted on bringing furniture for the guest room. My cousin didn't catch on to what was happening but her mom basically made it HER room. Now my cousin has issues with her mom calling it her room, informing them when she is coming and not to worry she'll just stay in her room. Her mom believes that she always get priority since its HER room and expects my cousin to cancel on people who she is expecting if her mom announces that she will be coming to stay in HER room.

I don't know if your mom will go as far as her mom but you are opening the door to more drama. Call your mom back and tell her you are sorry if you were not clear but you and your wife will not be hosting them right now. They are welcome to stay in a hotel which is really close. If that doesn't work for them then we'll have to just cancel the visit. [/quote]

That's not how OP reported the conversation.  He told his mom that she should stay in a hotel because they didn't have a guest bed, then asked her to buy him a bed so she could stay in the future!  She just agreed to his suggestion, and offered to bring the bed with her.  Of course she would leave the bed there, because that's what OP asked for. 
 Maybe she is pushy in some aspects, but this is not a good example.  This is OP being passive and indirect and having it blow up in his face.  He didn't tell his mom that her comments were upsetting his wife until very recently, so I think this is a person who avoids conflict and conversations he thinks might be unpleasant.  Now, if he calls his mom and tells her she can't stay, he's going to have to admit that he lied to her before, which is just going to make the whole thing worse.  He wasn't "not clear," he actively misled her about the situation.

Personally, I think that OP's wife is being unreasonable, but if she and OP agree, then he needs to be clear with his parents.  He's going to tell them that they have to stay in a hotel, even though his home has a guest bedroom, and they aren't going to like it and will likely take it personally.  And they will be right to do so!  It is personal.  But OP can't eat his cake and have it, too.  If he's on board with them not staying, then he needs to accept the consequences, which includes them having their feelings hurt and being upset.  [/quote]

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