Reply to How to explain to MIL why she doesn’t get to visit as much as my my mom does

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Reply to "How to explain to MIL why she doesn’t get to visit as much as my my mom does"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think people are being way too hard on OP.  Do you remember what it's like to have a new baby? You're exhausted. You need help. Having overnight houseguests means extra work - a person who needs to be fed, entertained, needs clean sheets and towels, requires you to get dressed in the morning, cover up during breastfeeding, etc. It's totally reasonable to limit houseguests when you have a new baby and are exhausted. OP's mom helps out a ton so it offsets the extra work of having an overnight guest, which is why OP doesn't mind her visiting more.

My experience was similar - my mom came for several weeks after DS was born and did dishes, laundry, and two overnights with DS when I was at the end of my rope. My MIL came for a week, and she basically chilled on the couch and sometimes held the baby while I took on extra cooking and cleaning and organizational tasks to accommodate her. That's ok for an occasional visit, and it's worth it to spend time with her and have her meet her grandson, but if she wanted to come stay with us multiple times a month or complained that my mom sees DS more I would feel the same as OP.

My advice is similar to others - don't volunteer that your mother sees the kids more, and embrace the limited ways that she can help (e.g. let her hold the baby while you take the toddler to the park or unload the dishwasher). If she keeps pushing it, explain that your mom isn't visiting, she's babysitting.[/quote]

I agree with you- but OP's tone sounded judgmental and that is what people are responding to. A nanny + mom who appears to take on 50% of childrearing and calling her MIL obese. Young children are exhausting, especially when we're working full time, and most of us didn't have access to anything close this level of help from a relative. Weekend trips, help with dream feeds? What is that??

I agree with the other pps a) don't mention how often mom visits/stays and b) if it comes up, state that mom isn't visiting, she's babysitting. But yes- MIL probably thinks that OP's mom is visiting more because she can't imagine anyone agreeing to act as an unpaid on-call nanny. [/quote]

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