Reply to How to explain to MIL why she doesn’t get to visit as much as my my mom does

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My MIL comes and visits one weekend every other month.  She’s unhappy with this as my mother spends a lot of time here.  Probably 1-3 weeks a month, and it’s because she’s actually helpful.

My mom will cook for us, help clean, watch our toddler during the weekend, stays up with our infant and does dream feeds.  She allows us to go on weekend trips and stays the night so we don’t have to pay the nanny to spend the night at our house.

DHs mom is severely obese and can’t keep up with our toddler.  When she’s here all she wants to do is sit and rock the baby while watching tv.  She’s critical of me and my parent and it’s an emotional drain when she’s here.

I can’t just tell MIL that I prefer my mom being here to her because my moms actually helpful.

But she’s mentioned numerous times to me and DH that she doesn’t think it’s fair my mom gets to spend so much time with our kids and she doesn’t.

I don’t think she gets it?  I don’t know what else to tell her but the truth.  You aren’t helpful.  [/quote]

So you only want family to visit if they can cook, clean, babysit and perform other menial tasks by your bidding?  Got it![/quote]

NP here. When there are very small babies and children in the house? Actually, YEAH. And Carolyn Hax or any advice columnist would sign off on that, believe me.

If you can't pitch in when there are babies in the house, you need to either stay in a hotel, or stay only one or two nights very infrequently. Because family needs to help to make visits work when the parents are dealing with small kids--parents of young kids are not in a position to host-host, so don't impose on them if you can't or don't want to help.

When the kids are older, it's a little different, but not much. Busy families with working parents (and yes, I'm counting SAHPs with younger kids as working parents) do not need to be imposed on for host-hosting too often. Sometimes, but not much.

Want to be treated like family, who gets lots of kid time and gets to visit often? Pitch in. Can't or don't want to pitch in? You're a guest, and guests don't get to visit frequently or for long stays. [/quote]

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