Reply to Pregnant with non-boyfriend - he wants me to keep it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have hit the jackpot. Have him pay very good alimony and child support, hire a nanny and a housekeeper and keep on living your life. This kid will be taken care of.
Dad can also have custody! Dang I would be thrilled! 
[/quote]

Alimony? She and the non-boyfriend are not married. Alimony is paid in a divorce. Your greedy drooling over this "jackpot" is dulling your mind.

So you have no thought at all for OP's own children and how this might affect them and their relationship with OP? Because that is the real consideration. All the cash and nannies and housekeepers in the world won't alter the fact that this baby or marriage or not marrying all will affect OP's kids' lives. And don't assume the change will be entirely for the better. [/quote]

They can agree on whatever, call it what you will. A stipend ;) which is spent on older kids among other things. Nanny for baby, housekeeper for all. I don’t know how well the older kids’ father is providing for them. [/quote]

Read what you wrote there with your clever little wink. A stipend? You mean a cash payment for OP's  kids to make it OK that their sense of security is messed up because, hey, the guy paid them to be OK with it?

You're pitiful and don't even see it. All the posters here reducing this situation to money and what money buys ("housekeeper for all," hooray) are reprehensible.  [/quote]
[b]
I'm not the pp. But I think it's reasonable for OP to say something like, "if you want me to keep this baby you need to provide enough financial support for me to be able to provide equal resources to all children in my household[/b]."

He got himself into this, if he wants her to keep it when she doesn't want to then he needs to address why she doesn't want to. Which means that just covering the costs of that kid doesn't work. He needs to cover the increased cost to her whole lifestyle and consider with her the impacts to her existing kids and work to mitigate those. [/quote]

You know that's called blackmail. What if he calls her bluff and says no payment for you then what.[/quote]

How is it blackmail? This could ruin her whole life or her kids life. He can go adopt or get a kid in some other way. But she takes a leap of faith here that really is not comparable. She needs to make sure that she and her existing kids will be ok if she does this. That is not blackmail it is being a responsible parent.  [/quote]

You are defining "be OK" above as "have money." You don't understand that money/nannies/housekeepers/tuition do not equate to her kids being "OK" with the emotional and mental effects of all this: Sudden half-sibling much younger than they are, possibly a new stepdad who can't get to know them anyway because he's gone so much, loss of feeling secure when this gets presented to them mere months before it all happens....

This thread's lack of anything but monetary concern for her existing kids is weird and wrong.

Also, to OP: Is there any chance that your ex might decide he isn't thrilled (with whatever--new baby, unmarried, or married, new husband who has barely met the kids) and that he might make custody issues for you over this? Before someone jumps in to say that OP's remarrying or not, or her having a baby while married or not, is not legally relevant to her custody arrangements with her ex: I know that. Legally that's so. But some exes can be nasty if there's a change they just don't like. And they can make life a pain even if they don't have a legal leg to stand on. If OP's ex might do that, it's something for which she needs to be prepared. [/quote]

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