Reply to My head and my heart can’t agree on 50/50 custody

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Reply to "My head and my heart can’t agree on 50/50 custody"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]New poster here.

OP, I was in a similar situation with 2 kids. Breadwinner + primary parent. While EVERY experience is different, once we went 50-50, my ex handled his share for the most part. I think a large part of it during our relationship was that despite my communicating my desire to have it be different, as long as I was there to handle it, I did. Very similar to your division of labor it sounds like. Once I was no longer there to do pick up, baths, reading, homework, sitting with them while they fell asleep, packing food, prepping coffee, and on and on, he did it instead on his nights.

What is critical though, is that the kids get equal access and opportunity to spend time with their dad. They absolutely treasure and value that time with him. [/quote]

Does this make you angry?  Do you think you could have kept your marriage if he had stepped up before you divorced?  [/quote]

To answer your question, not really because I did not want a divorce. Personally, I would never divorce absent physical abuse. I largely viewed that stuff as my sacrifice for the good of the family even though I occasionally communicated what I wanted him to pitch in on. I did everything I could to save the marriage once he blindsided me with wanting out, including more time together, counseling, stepping up even more at home, etc.

Despite not wanting a divorce and the circumstances (his affair, etc.), I put my children first. I set aside all anger, resentment, and other negative feelings at this complete unwanted life change to forge a genuine friendship-space with xDH. It was extremely important to me to put the kids first, which meant equal access to him, family time together with the four of us still on weekends (e.g., to fall festivals or whatever), and NO TENSION while we were all together. Obviously it's difficult, but divorce is going to be hard on the kids for the rest of their life. The least I could do was make it as easy on them as possible through my actions.

[/quote]

Wow, you sound like a really good person. A post like yours really stands out in all the spite, vindictiveness negativity on DCUM. Your ex lost a lot by leaving you[/quote]

I agree.  I hope you have found someone to treat you as you deserve.[/quote]

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