Reply to Please help- my DH lost his job again and I’m thinking of leaving him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here-

Thank you for those who recognize that taking care of two children under 3 is a job.

Also, my last baby was born at 26 weeks, was less than 2 pounds, stayed in the NICU for about 4 months and came home with medical issues.

What was I supposed to do?

My DH needs help.  It’s more than losing a job.  It’s an underlying pattern of job loss, drinking, impulsive behavior.  He has a good heart, and is thoughtful but I can’t live like this and he actually can’t either.

I guess I see a temporary separation as a way to have familial support, and have some space to figure out what is in everyone’s best interest.

I am 35 years old and not ashamed to say I need my parents at this time of need.  My parents are both 60.  My father still works.  They have more resources than me and they are concerned about their grandchildren.  They do not want to take away the grandchildren from their dad.  In fact my dad wants my DH to join me eventually.

Also, if my DH said he would miss his kids too much and not want me to go... then I wouldn’t. [/quote]

But it doesn't make sense to uproot your children to the west coast, find a job and then what? come back after 6 months? a year?

If you're going to your parents' state, you need to be prepared to stay there.

If your DH says don't go....then what is Plan B???  because he's going to say it. He's going to use your children as the guilt factor to keep you local - for a myriad of reasons that aren't necessarily nefarious.[/quote]

She's not planning to come back. She's planning to ask her DH to join them there and stay there. I think she feels isolated and vulnerable as a SAHM with a husband who keeps leaving jobs, and wants to go "home."

You're in a difficult phase of life, OP, but you are 35, not 25, and I ask you to think seriously about what you think this will look like 5 years from now. Are you back on your feet? Do your kids know their dad at all? Because I think you're leaving with a fantasy that your old life will sort of disappear, and a new one is to be found on the West Coast. In reality, you are going to be a middle-aged single mom who lives with her parents and is marginally employed because your teaching credentials haven't transferred, or your kid needs you at home, or your ex-DH keeps calling, or whatever road block stops you from really taking control of a life you should have taken control of 3 job-losses ago.[/quote]

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