Reply to Marriage dynamics - one vs two income households

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know this has been discussed before.  I'm expecting my first DC in less than a month (we're mid 30s; married 10 years), and daycare is going to cost more than my income.  I work at a NGO and make 35k/year.  DH is a big law associate (6L) and works long hours in litigation.  I already have to do everything around the house although we do pay for cleaners to help once a month - and when I say everything I mean everything, such as I painted the house when we first bought it, fix broken things, take care of the yard/mow, grocery stop/pack lunches, etc.  I got no issues doing it all because my DH is very appreciative and constantly shows it; [i]also there is no fixing this beyond only adding more help - lawn people, more frequently cleaning, handymen, etc[/i].   Maybe it's my tired, pregnant brain, but I'm considering staying home once we add a kid to the mix.

So my question is, how are people's relationships affected if one is a stay at home?  [/quote]

Haven't you two talked about this already?
Maybe do it with a third party (rabbi, priest, counselor) and get down some personal and family goals for the short, medium and long term. THen talk about how congruent these goals are or are not.

If you know you are married to a workaholic potential rainmaker, he is never going to do things around the house unless YOU make it a family goal. Heck, he might even dial it down to a Fed atty or in-house counsel job which pay just fine, have more reasonable hours, and allow him to be a more involved spouse and father. What are his goals?  What does he want his role to be in his own family?  Just a paycheck?  A thankful and grateful paycheck?  Someone has to manage the homefront, raise the kids, plan the schedule. And it's not all outsourceable.

What did his parents do?

Finally, what are your goals? If you aren't planning a higher paying promotion or job step then that has to factor in b/c $35k W-2 income for 40 hours of work is very low. I say this as someone who has worked at non-profits but made $200k/year since age 30, w grad degree. If you just want a lifestyle NGO and are not accountable for ROI for donor funds or demonstrating what the donations did for the cause (i.e. Gates Foundation), then leaving the work force is NBD. [/quote]

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