Reply to How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They can always drive back and use the daycare if they are tired.

What does a state border matter?

Maybe it is nice at the vacation house?

I think that if you are not comfortable with letting them care for her, one of you has to bail on this family obligation.  People do this all the time for their kids.
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OP here - This is true and would probably be what happened. The vacation house is just 2.5 hours away and they could drive back.  In the end I think the issue is that my DH trusts them to take her, although he also thinks it would be better for them and her if she was in daycare.  I know she would survive - they love her and they aren't going to feed her the wrong things or keep her up late or anything - it will just be more awkward. I think I just wanted advice on whether I was being unreasonable expecting them to stay in our house/take her to daycare. I'm not comfortable leaving her with them because its hard to leave her in the first place and they have a different parenting philosophy than we do. They are reliable in that my baby would be safe and cared for.

I'm not sure I'm more comfortable hiring a stranger to watch her for the wedding/reception/festivities (all of which are late at night so her coming and needing to go to sleep might pretty distracting from my sister, who does have a reasonable expectation of being the center of attention at her wedding) in a different country.

And you are right - I could back out or DH could stay home. There would be a family rift on our side though, because my sister won't just be pissed, it'll be thing until we're dead. She's close to my DH too. At this point, we are considering DH staying home though or bringing her.

There is also a part of me that things DH is right, that she would be fine with his parents at their second home and all of this would be harder on me than her. Posting on a forum where people have all kinds of different opinions probably wasn't the right answer. [/quote]

I'm the one you are responding to:

If you think she will be safe with the in-laws, don't worry so much about the schedule.  At least as you describe it, these in-laws don't sound crazy.  They may be biting off more than they can chew, and they will probably be worn out afterwards, but nothing you say suggests they are dangerous or crazy.

Your description of your family... they sound nuts.  You've got some seriously self-centered people in the family and my guess is that none of them will ever be useful for child care, let alone emotional support.

If I had to pick a side of the family to grow close to, it would be DHs.  They sound like they are trying hard to be helpful, even if you don't see eye to eye.

As for what you should do: not everyone is comfortable leaving their one-year old for a week.  And that is fine.  Not all one-year-olds are the same.

You have to decide what you are comfortable with and do that.  We weren't ready until our kid was two.  And we weren't ready until around 14 to leave my son in my dad's care overnight (his wife isn't nice, and they didn't follow medically important dietary rules, and kid didn't even want to. he always feels like Cinderella there.)

People really do get bent out of shape about weddings.

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OP, I agree with the above.  It sounds like your in-laws will do a great job.  Will they do it EXACTLY like you want?  No.  And that is okay.  Your 13 month old will adjust.  In fact, think of it as you doing something good for your little one because the baby needs to learn to be flexible.  This is an important life skill and you need to help your baby experience situations where s/he will need to be flexible. I would ask them to come to your house, though, so that she can stay in day care because they may not have all the stuff or baby-proofed their house and it will be just plain easier on them if they are in your place.  However, make sure that the guest room is super comfy or prep your mbr for them.  You want this to go smoothly and having them comfortable and well-rested is the best way to help ensure that.

I also agree that it sounds like your in-laws are going to be the side of the family to which you want to cleave.  Good luck.

The other stuff, about your side of the family, well, you've got your hands full there.  Just try to stay out of the line of fire and not draw a lot of attention to yourself.  They all sound like drama queens imo and no good can come of that.  And weddings do cause even the most sane people to suddenly become lunatics.[/quote]

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