Reply to How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They can always drive back and use the daycare if they are tired.

What does a state border matter?

Maybe it is nice at the vacation house?

I think that if you are not comfortable with letting them care for her, one of you has to bail on this family obligation.  People do this all the time for their kids.
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OP here - This is true and would probably be what happened. The vacation house is just 2.5 hours away and they could drive back.  In the end I think the issue is that my DH trusts them to take her, although he also thinks it would be better for them and her if she was in daycare.  I know she would survive - they love her and they aren't going to feed her the wrong things or keep her up late or anything - it will just be more awkward. I think I just wanted advice on whether I was being unreasonable expecting them to stay in our house/take her to daycare. I'm not comfortable leaving her with them because its hard to leave her in the first place and they have a different parenting philosophy than we do. They are reliable in that my baby would be safe and cared for.

I'm not sure I'm more comfortable hiring a stranger to watch her for the wedding/reception/festivities (all of which are late at night so her coming and needing to go to sleep might pretty distracting from my sister, who does have a reasonable expectation of being the center of attention at her wedding) in a different country.

And you are right - I could back out or DH could stay home. There would be a family rift on our side though, because my sister won't just be pissed, it'll be thing until we're dead. She's close to my DH too. At this point, we are considering DH staying home though or bringing her.

There is also a part of me that things DH is right, that she would be fine with his parents at their second home and all of this would be harder on me than her. Posting on a forum where people have all kinds of different opinions probably wasn't the right answer. [/quote]

I'm the one you are responding to:

If you think she will be safe with the in-laws, don't worry so much about the schedule.  At least as you describe it, these in-laws don't sound crazy.  They may be biting off more than they can chew, and they will probably be worn out afterwards, but nothing you say suggests they are dangerous or crazy.

Your description of your family... they sound nuts.  You've got some seriously self-centered people in the family and my guess is that none of them will ever be useful for child care, let alone emotional support.

If I had to pick a side of the family to grow close to, it would be DHs.  They sound like they are trying hard to be helpful, even if you don't see eye to eye.

As for what you should do: not everyone is comfortable leaving their one-year old for a week.  And that is fine.  Not all one-year-olds are the same.

You have to decide what you are comfortable with and do that.  We weren't ready until our kid was two.  And we weren't ready until around 14 to leave my son in my dad's care overnight (his wife isn't nice, and they didn't follow medically important dietary rules, and kid didn't even want to. he always feels like Cinderella there.)

People really do get bent out of shape about weddings.

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My sister is a mess, but she lives across the country and we alternate holidays so we see her once every year-ish (thank heaven).  The rest of my family is even keel, and My mom is amazing with our baby (all babies really) and realizes my sister is crazy, but she's her mom so its hard for her to deal with rifts between siblings. Its also generally best not to upset my crazy sister because we do only see each other once in a great while.  She also believes DD will be fine with the in-laws and that I'm a bit too attached to DD, so she doesn't think its worth it to upset my sister.  And yes, my other sister and I do get slighted because we don't have emotional issues.  All families have a thing. My sister is ours.

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Ok well OP. You get to chose between appeasing your crazy sister and enabling mom; or doing what you think is right for your own child. Most people find that their role as a mother is the most important one. Leaving  a 1 year old baby for a week with 70+ year old in laws you aren't totally confident in is something very few mothers would do, unless they really have to go (as in, husband is deployed and you have a medical emergency, death in family, work trip you absolutely can't miss). [/quote]

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