Reply to women's invisible labor - anyone had luck getting spouse to take on more of the mental work?

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Reply to "women's invisible labor - anyone had luck getting spouse to take on more of the mental work?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Anonymous wrote:
Nope. We were actually amazing at dividing up the actual physical work. He did yard work, laundry, groceries, split daycare pick-up and drop-off.... I did cooking, shopping, gardening, etc. no issues there ever.

I developed pretty severe hypothyroidism and it took about 6-7 months to figure it out from when the worst of the symptoms started. Like crippling exhaustion, no energy, etc. during that time, we went through birthdays and the holidays. I did what I could, but a lot of it was that "mental burden" of planning, making things special, etc.

Once I got back on my feet again, he pretty much told me that he felt like I had abandoned him, didn't appreciate him, and could NEVER understand how hard it was for him.

I hope he learned a valuable lesson. Does he recognize the irony of saying those words to you (assuming you felt that way toward him prior to your illness)?
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Nope.  We actually never recovered from it. He had deep rooted abandonment issues from his childhood, and he literally shut down emotionally.  Through marriage counseling we got to the root of the issues (my illness made him feel abandoned) so as a defense mechanism he shut me out emotionally.  He ended up having an emotional affair with an intern 15 years his junior at his office.  It was one sided, so maybe the better term is crush.  Like he was desperate to grab on to any female willing to listen to him.

Anyway.... we divorced.  Not because I asked him to do chores, because the first real stressful test of our marriage (my illness), he failed.  [/quote]

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