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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What I never understand in these dynamics is why everyone is so eager to host.  It's a lot of damn work.

When I am older, I will happily let my kids host.  Would love every minute of it, in fact.  Arrive, drink, eat, socialize, do perfunctory assistance to clean up, leave.

Sounds like a dream come true.[/quote]

My issue is that I don't want to spend the night. I love to host, and don't mind it when other people host but OMFG if I have to spend another Wednesday-Sunday at my inlaws for Thanksgiving I feel like I might go insane. There are now 9 of us in a 3/2 house with seating for 4 (rest of us eat on fold up chairs). If I could just go, socialize, eat and leave it would be a dream come true. [/quote]

Yeah, I get it.

My family are stay-in-hotel people.  Thank god.  Or rent a VRBO.  But I understand some people are obsessed with all piling in one house together.  Yet another thing I don't understand.  You really want to have all these people in your house for days on end and be responsible for feeding them all meals?  No thanks.  Everyone needs space.[/quote]

NP. God, I so wish. We don't even have a guest room and my ILs INSIST on staying with us, and they never stay for less than 7 nights. So I'm cook/maid/grocery shopper/etc. for 2 extra adults for sometimes weeks on end. It is not a question of money, they just prefer to stay with us so that they can get everything done for them.

Also, OP, I feel you with the early notice. When my ILs announced they were coming for Easter, which I was not planning to host this year, after I hosted them for Thanksgiving and Easter the previous year, we immediately sent an email to the rest of the family also inviting them for Easter and declaring up front, in January, that we will not host Thanksgiving this year as we have the last 12 years as I just don't have it in me to host everyone again for 2 holidays this year. It's a ton of work, and no one but my husband pitches in. I hate it and wish I could just go somewhere and bring a pie.  I also haven't seen my side of the family for 2 years for a holiday! I want a turn too![/quote]

Hello? YOUR HUSBAND should be "cook/maid/grocery shopper/etc." during his parents' visits, even if you usually do those tasks for your immediate family. I am fine with my ILs' 3-night, occasional stays, and even do extra cooking and cleaning if I have the capacity and feel like it, but my DH absolutely knows that he's "primary host" for his family visits. This was especially true when we had small babies. We even have warned them, "Yes, you can come for Memorial Day weekend, but we've got a lot going on, so it will be a pizza-and-fend-for-yourselves kind of weekend."

I'm not even going to touch the point that no one gets to "insist" on being in my home or for how long with you--you're a lost cause, clearly. Grow a pair and set some boundaries![/quote]

Well, my husband just got a new job, so I'm hopeful that more of the hosting of his family will now be able to be on him. Unfortunately, in his old position, he did not get home in time to eat dinner with us. Since we have kids, I sort of have to feed the kids (ha), and of course, that extends to feeding myself and my ILs.

The length of visits and announcing when and for how long they are coming - again, hoping that once more of this falls on my husband, he will come around to it not being ok. Since his old job had long and irregular hours, he wouldn't see his parents much when they visited, so the length of time didn't faze him, whereas I bore the brunt of the visits. If you only see them an hour or two a day, a two week visit probably doesn't seem that long!  I also work full time and we have young children, so it was a lot to take for me. [/quote]

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