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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I would outsource. But I also agree with the PPs that the fact that you two don't have children, and there are already issues in how you two interact being a big crack in your marriage foundation. While the issue itself (dirty house/living standards) can be addressed with money, the bigger issue (responsiveness to finding a mutual resolution between the two of you) is not something so easy to address. Problems arise when other issues that don't go away (co-parenting, job loss, sickness, etc.) down the road in life are the issues that break a marriage. That is why you are getting advice to leave before it is difficult.

I don't think you should leave - but I do think you should take this opportunity to express exactly this type of worry to your wife and consider introducing tools that will help your marriage. That could be sometihing as simple as a workshop together, or reading a $15 amazon book together on working through issues from each person's perspective. Therapy would be the standard DCUM answer, but it works.

I was you 10 years ago, I took advice like this, and when problems escalated in life, our marriage completely broke. We were focusing on the problems but had never built the tools to solve them as a couple. Please don't underestimate the importance and priority of taking this time now to do that. It is so much harder to function, the desire stronger to leave, and the consequences greater, if you do it once you can't take it anymore.

I don't take marriage vows lightly. But being married and not being committed in the marriage is just as bad, sometimes worse than a divorce. There are always symptoms of the true health of your relationship. It is your responsibility and hers to pay attention to symptoms, diagnose the problem, and then resolve it. The earlier you get into the habit of doing this, the stronger and more beautiful your marriage will become.

Unfortunately in my case, we divorced. But are better for it. I hope you and your wife's marriage can have a better outcome than ours did.[/quote]

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