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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's really important for everyone responding to note that OP has not been back to this thread.

I'm the ex-wife, and my ex-husband's new wife made a rule that I wasn't allowed inside their house. Her justification was that they were "trying to build their own space" and apparently, me coming in out of the rain to get my ex to sign some paperwork about camp when picking up my daughter really disrupted "their own space" somehow.

It was a very clear signal about what she expected everyone's relationship to be going forward, and that my ex was fine with this rule was a clear signal that he cared more about her comfort than our ability to communicate cordially about DD. Other examples include that he is apparently not allowed to email me without including her on the emails. I thought it was weird that any time I emailed him, he'd write back CC-ing her so I asked him about it and he said "Wife isn't comfortable with us having any kind of private communication."

I was already remarried when they got together and frankly, her objections to me and my ex "being alone together" even in the context of an email and her refusal to allow me to enter their house at all (like, they literally make me wait on the porch if I have to bring anything there for DD or am picking her up) makes her seem pretty pathetic.[/quote]

You can talk about DD without being inside their home.  The emails seem a bit much but why would it bother you he was cc her? Maybe it was to let her know of upcoming plans or visits from DD. She's also parenting and is an adult in charge when DD is there.  Either way we didn't allow our exes inside our home.
Would you be ok with step mom coming inside your home?  If everyone is ok with that, it's perfectly fine. If one adult isn't comfortable that's ok too. People have different privacy settings and boundaries. [/quote]

Frankly, I don't care how uncomfortable she was. It is unbelievably rude to make a person stand outside in the rain when they come over to pick up their child. I'm telling you, she answered the door, then said, "Wait here" and closed it in my face while she went to go find my ex. A polite person would not behave that way. I am not talking about standing around talking. I'm talking about a blanket policy of not allowing me to go inside their house for any reason or duration, period. It is weird and made me think that maybe she should have chosen a partner who had not been married and had a child with someone else previously.

She and my ex are both welcome in my home, which is also my DD's home. [b]They are her parents too.[/b] We have had birthday parties at my house for DD, and they were both welcome and did attend without issue.[/quote]

What?[/quote]

My ex-husband and his new wife are just as much my daughter's parents as I and my new husband are.[/quote]

I honestly don't understand this line of thinking.  I mean, I don't question that you feel this way. But it is honestly incomprehensible to me that you think your husband's new wife is equal to you as a parent when it comes to your daughter. [/quote]

I mean, I don't think she's EQUAL to me. But we are all DD's parents. Despite not caring for her personally and finding her insecurity about me standing in her foyer for 3 minutes pretty silly, I do respect that she loves DD, that she and DD have a relationship, and that for better or worse, my ex chose her to make a life with after our divorce. He could have chosen someone who was cruel to DD or someone who was irresponsible. I don't object to her participating in parenting decisions about DD (e.g., when we email about what camps to put DD in, when we discuss vacation timing, etc.).

But if we ran into a situation where she and I seriously disagreed about something related to DD, the decision comes down to what my ex and I agree on. The same applies to my husband, for what it's worth.[/quote]

The way you explain the relationship makes sense. I still don't get the use of a word "parent" as applied to your ex's new wife, but if you're happy with this setup, that's the only thing that matters. Parents are too sacred to have anyone equal them.

I don't think camps/vacation timing is a parenting decision per se in that the new wife's participation in these decision is purely on the basis of logistics, i.e. "this time works" and "this time doesn't work."

Parenting decisions are more like, "I don't think boys should go to figure skating camps", or "I don't think girls should wear pants/have boyfriends/use lipstick", or "I don't think he/she needs to take AP classes".  The appropriate response to this is "nobody cares what you think." [/quote]

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