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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The bottom line is people are not perfect. Including parents. Irrespective of race, most people are set in their ways and seek comfort in the familiar. OPs wife is reacting partially out of fear  & insecurity while stepping into unfamiliar territory. Vietnamese is home, familiar, comfortable. Anything else uncomfortable.
Does that make her a bad person, or racist? I don't think so. Look within America you'll find a lot of people, (non-Asian) like her.  If you shun people like that and hate them , you'll be hating half the world. I think time and understanding will heal everything. 
       [/quote]

She is doing more than reacting out of fear and insecurity, she is refusing to attend a wedding.  That's a huge slight in American culture.  The one in which she lives.  The one in which her son is marrying into.  And that's a mistake that time may or may not heal.  I think that's what a lot of us are trying to express here - that the assumption that time will heal everything (i.e. the snubbing of this wedding) is a very risky one to make, with serious negative consequences if and when grandkids enter the picture.

The shunning is occurring on the part of OP's wife, not the posters here.[/quote]

Her anger in all likelihood is directed at her son. Not the DIL. Her son let her down by not letting her in, early. A week before the wedding is brutal. I'd be pissed too. These people birthed and raised him. They deserve to be treated better. [/quote]

This was brought up earlier and while it is very true that he should have told them earlier, he probably knew his mom would never accept his white GF.  I wouldn't have told her either. [/quote]

But he gave them no time to adjust. They are still his parents, he knew the would have a hard time adjusting, so not only did he do something that he knew would shock them (getting serious with a non-Vietnamese woman) he introduced them and announced a wedding in a week all at the same time. It’s lovely to demand that older, entrenched people don’t hold outdated prejudices, but that’s not life and the son should have given them the opportunity to reflect in private and possibly get the initial knee jerk reaction out. So now there likely will be bad blood forever and the son is not blameless.[/quote]

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