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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What arrant nonsense.  Let's flip it, shall we - OP's now white, with deep southern roots that go back centuries.  His son is marrying a first generation Vietnamese girl, and his wife is apoplectic, and refuses to attend the wedding.  You see, she always dreamed of a DIL who has the same ethnic background she has - it makes it easier to connect, and to pass down traditions.  It's not that the prospective DIL is Vietnamese - of course not! - it's that she ISN'T a white southerner.

You'd think that was just fine, right?  Of course you wouldn't.  You'd lose your chit, and call her a racist redneck - and you'd be right.  This is no different.  [/quote]

Not the same thing. The first gen Vietnamese potential DIL, in your scenario, speaks fluent English.  That means the potential DIL has demonstrated the ability to share in her potential in-laws' culture because she can speak their language. Also, by growing up in the US, she probably has some of degree of familiarity with their culture. She can connect with them linguistically and to a lesser extent, culturally. On top of that, because they live in the US, it's already guaranteed that Southern American culture (food, holidays, and most importantly, language) can passed on with far greater ease. 
 
An equivalent scenario for your white Southerners look something like this. If the white Southerners some how ended up as racial/ethnic minorities in Vietnam. Their son brings home a Vietnamese woman who doesn't speak English and is not familiar with Southern American history/culture.

[/quote]

The lengths to which you will go to excuse bigotry are truly astounding.[/quote]

Last post on this issue. Then I'm going to give up. I'm only pointing out that there's a difference between wanting your child to marry within the same culture or at least, someone who had a reasonable degree from cultural familiarity versus being bigoted against someone due to the color of their skin/hair/eyes. I wouldn't tolerate the latter in any way but I can be sympathetic to the former even if I disagree with it. I don't think that we should treat these things the same.

I had a ABC friend who married a Singaporean Indian of Tamil descent. At first, the parents tried to play it off as cultural concerns. But that didn't hold water because he grew up in Singapore, spoke fluent Mandarin, etc. He was actually more culturally Chinese than her because he grew up in a Chinese majority society. The parents eventually admitted that they didn't want their daughter marrying a dark skin person. No other opposition than the color of his skin. That's what racism looks like. She didn't speak to her parents for 7 years. I completely supported her because her parents' position was completely indefensible.

OP's wife's position is overbearing, presumptuous, controlling, and a host of other issues. But that's not the same as dismissing a potential DIL over an intrinsic biological characteristic that she has no control over.[/quote]

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