Reply to Requests from a Sibing who is there for Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Also, I don't think the PP who said she was burned up should be.  You just don't know until you are here.  I am the away sibling and my siblings have treated me like garbage because they are angry that I live away and escape a lot of this.  I am thankful, recognize their efforts, I do offer suggestions trying to be helpful (but guess I shouldn't) but they suck too.  I can't change where I live and they resent me because of this.  [/quote]

If you haven't already, could you reach out and ask them what you CAN do that would be helpful to them?  You could also make concrete suggestions based on you parent's particular needs.  Some ideas are to (1) start taking care of the paperwork/online billing that can be done from afar, like mortgage, insurance, credit card bills, alarm system payments, phone bills, etc. (2)  set up (and keep up to date based on how it goes) a grocery or meal delivery plan for your parent, (3) set up a monthly delivery of products your parent needs (paper goods, grooming goods, household things) and check in to see what's needed more of less, (4) just reach out and talk to your parent 1-2 times per week, and (5) set up a meal delivery service (or something else they would like) once in a while for your siblings as a thank you.  I am the local sibling and it's been really hard for several years.  My sister and I had a really hard time because there was a very evident inequality in what we were doing to help out, even though we both agreed on the standard of care we want our parents to have.  It has worked out very well for us for her to take on everything that can be done from afar, and I do everything that needs to be done locally.  I still wind up having a lot more to do on an unpredictable schedule (both parents have medical issues, one moderate and one severe in an in-patient facility), which is hard with job and kids, but my sister and I feel much more like partners in this now.  It's much better for both of us.  [/quote]

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