Reply to ONS had a child - How screwed am I?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What conversation do you want to have with this child 20 years from now:

Kid: Dad, do you wish I had never been born?
You: Yes. You cost me a lot of money and were darn inconvenient and created a lot of drama. I wish your mom had just had an abortion or left me out of it.
Kid: (silence, filled with hate of self and of you)

Kid: Dad, do you wish I had never been born?
You: No! I admit, at first I was surprised when your mom told me about you, and scared--I wasn't sure what it meant to be a father, and I worried I wasn't up to the job. But once I met you, I realized you were the joy of my life. Honey, I love you so much, I am so grateful that you are my child and that I get to know you!
Kid: I love you, dad.

Also, if you plan to someday get married and have more kids, consider that
(1) no kind, empathetic woman will consider being married to you if you have a kid out there that you ignore and
(2) if you have a kid you ignore, any other kids you have later on will think about the fact that their reality would have been far different if they had been born in a way that was inconvenient to you. they will think about their half-sibling and wonder what it really means to you to be a dad
[/quote]

YEP YEP YEP. This.[/quote]

Or it should go like this:

Kid: Dad, did you love mom?
Dad: Love her? I didn't even know her name or remember her? It was a drunken night. We mean nothing to each other.

Every kid's dream, I tell you![/quote]

Uhh...nope, that would not be the response. If you find yourself in this situation someday and truly need help crafting a proper, appropriate adult response to that question (hint: you acknowledge the unconventionality of the situation without being crass (potentially turning into a teaching moment! Adults are not perfect, we are flawed people too), and refocus on your love for them - how initially you were caught off guard but once you got to spend time with them you realized they were the most amazing blessing, blahblah etc; see previous response), hit me up. But for now, since I assume you're the same "she failed at the most important job of motherhood" poster, I will gently recommend that you seek therapy. It's clear you're harboring a lot of hurt and anger, and a good therapist could help you work through your issues [/quote]

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