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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP.

If life and people were ideal, there would be no DCUM so let's not even go there. Ideally, there would be no affair at all.  Things are what they are. It's pointless to speculate on how things should be "ideally".  My DH made very bad choices.   There's no getting away from it. Having said this, the sun still rises every morning, so what do we do now?

Of course I have a say in how this presented to the kids. My daughter hasn't met her half-sister yet, so if I decide she shouldn't, she won't. My son worships me so if I wanted to make him hate his half-sister, I could accomplish that in one evening.  If I chose to prevent him from seeing his half-sister, I could do that or at least make a colossal deal out of it easily. I decide today how much of her he is allowed to see and under what context.  He's only six; no decisions made so far are cast in stone. They can be undone easily.  If I wanted to impoverish the family and stress everyone around that, I could again do so easily.

I am not saying this to say I would intentionally introduce this sort of strife into my kids' life, just to point out that there are many things I could do, and what I do do, I choose to do. My choices may be different from yours, but I am making them from a fully empowered position.  [/quote]

This writing is a whole lot of fantasy, fluff and babble. I am so glad you have this rose colored glasses outlook on life and destiny and family structure.  I honestly think you are delusional, and in no way am I trying to be mean or rude towards you. But if you were my friend or sister, I would say the same thing out of 100% concern.  Having this philosophical what will be will be uber forgiving its all in the past attitude makes you a complete doormat, you actually have zero control.  Your children will pay the price whether you leave or stay.  And wait until other people put 2 and 2 together, their friends, their friends' parents, the neighbors, your own family (siblings, parents) etc.  You cannot live in this cocoon where as long as you keep everything all hunky dory and keep up appearances that the kids will remain unscathed.  Most of it is out of your control, and seems like it always has been.  And I honestly wonder about your mental state to be so laissez faire.  I feel very badly for you, and even worse for your children. I really hope this is a troll because if this is real and OP actually has these thought patterns, there is little hope.[/quote]

I think the OP's been pretty clear that she's handling her relationship with her husband as a separate issue.

Which is a good thing, because sh*tty advice here abounds.

She's prioritizing the well-being of her children here. From the responses, it's obvious that's a difficult thing to do, but not impossible.

The posts saying it's out of her hands AND she's a doormat are nauseating. I wouldn't want your counsel. [/quote]

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